The Offical Moment I Walked Away.

The exact moment was anti-climatctic.  I would later spend a day in tears with a migraine and wishing I had a bottle of whiskey, but the moment I left, nothing happened.  The movers came and went.  I got on my bike and rode away.  Simple. Logical.

I sit in silence, two days later and feel like I'm just a bit on a holiday. I can lie to myself sometimes like that.  Like I'm just in an Airbnb and I'll return back to him soon.  But silently, I know this isn't the case.  I know that we won't get back together.

I've read a lot of articles over the last few months.  It helps as I can see that my pain isn't something I'm making up in my head.  I'm reading though to try and ensure I've made the right decision.  Its hard, I love him.  We made some promises, babies, a home, a future.  Its hard when I've never wanted to commit like that and I did it anyway. I know the relationship was rough.  The whole thing was so hard.  But I love him. 

To cope with heartbreak, I've been doing Yoga the last two days.  The whole living in the moment thing is just so I can ignore the thoughts in my head.  Try and silence the monsters under my bed.  Live in the moment, Tash.  Enjoy what is right in front of you.  Try not to think about what could have been or worse, what could have been changed.

All of this, and I guess I can honestly say, maybe I haven't walked away.  Maybe there isn't a point that I can say, this is it.  There isn't a moment in time that I can say that was the straw the broke the camels back.  

Maybe I'll just never notice that offical moment I walk away.