Don't blink.

I have somethings I wanted to ponder in this blog. I wanted to muse about how things change. Small things that you wouldn't think one would notice, but somehow you do. I wanted to ponder About how shocking an unexpected thing can be when it's oleasant. And also about how life is short and I've lost two friends my own age from cancer. Ive had some really amazing days these last two weeks. Today was exceptional. Jenn and I had such a fantastic relaxing day. On my way to Erie with Jenn I drove past the house Nathan and I bought together eight years ago. We sold it only six short months ago. So many things in life have changed since then. It's shocking. As I drove through the area that I had called home, bridges were out, roads were moved, trees were down. Neighbors houses were painted, roads were redone. At the same time, everything was the same. We had the same neighbors, they had the same cars, pot holes were still in the road. So familiar and so different. It's been this way the entire time I've been home. As I finish up what I thought to be my last day here I took in all that I once called life. I don't miss any of it. I miss the people. My family and friends. But I can manage. 100% Everyone keeps asking me what my plans are. I can only tell them that I have none. At this moment in time, I am only returning to Australia til the end of July. I have no plans. Nothing. I want to visit Europe. I want to go to Asia. And Antarctica and Africa. I want to visit my bestie in guatemala. I want to tick some of these things off my bucket list. (I was looking for the post that had my list.....sadly, it may be in my personal blog). Anyway. There are still places I want to see. Once again, I state, I'd rather do this with someone, but I don't mind being on my own either. Ultimately, life is short. So fucking short. I have had so many friends die on me. Best friends, old boy friends, so many people. If you're not living the life you want, it's too short to fuck around. So fucking short. I can't finish this post. I'm headed to sleep.

Reminder of the Day.

I'm a shocker.

I'm the girl who cuts across three lanes at the last second to make the exit ramp. What can I say? I'm a slow reader but a quick thinker.  Ah, my driving skills are shocking! hahaha ask Trista! ;-)

Riding my bike has been so much fun since I've been home.  Its made me realize how much I miss some things that I used to have.  To be honest, how much I've changed has shocked me.  Things that I thought before I coulnd't live without,  I'm not even noticing I don't have any more.  Perfect example?  I would only buy Bath and Body Works body wash.  I would never use anything else.  Australia doesn't have Bath and Body, so I've been makig do with whatever I find in the regular store.

For every one thing I miss, (my nephew, my friends and family, Bath and Body) there are a million things I don't miss.  For example, I used to love love love shopping.  While I'd be lying 100% if I said I don't enjoy shopping anymore, I can honestly say, that my desire and my want to go shopping has decreased significantly.  I had an awful time while trying to buy some things that I wanted. 

I am no longer accepting the role of provider to people either.  I'm putting a stop to a lot of the dependency stuff that has been set up in my relationships.  Although, I'm still giving (Deb's using my car while I'm gone and Zach will be using my bike), I haven't let anyone take advantage of that.

A small step! 

Back to my bike riding....oh dear.  Dad was shocked when I told him I was still planning on riding it to Pittsburgh this weekend.  The look on his face was priceless.  So I took the chance knowing my battery would die.  Thing is, the bike is now four years old.  I've had it for two.  It needs some servicing.  Ugh.  I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate having to have someone look at my car.  I can't help it.  I hate pumping gas and I hate putting money into a car.  Zonski just made me take my starlet to the shop and now both my vehicles here need serviced.  AAAHHHHHH!!! 

I guess owning three cars is expensive....... and sadly, some things haven't changed.

Don't follow in my footsteps, I run into walls

I'm struggling a bit here. Am I a shitty friend if I can't forgive. Or a worse friend for wanting to forgive? Am I enabling this situation? At the end of the day, I can't do anything about it. I can't help any of the parties involved. Nor, I must honestly add, do I particularly want to. I am at war with the fact I see all sides of this issue. Everyone is to blame. There are no innocent parties. I know if even one thing were slightly different about this situation I would lean more toward one thing or another. But the facts are the facts. Things won't change. So my position here is the same. I will listen and understand with an open heart. I won't judge because I know you and understand you. But I am having a bit more difficulty than I would have wagered. It's not that I'm not loyal. It's just that I can empathize. So, I'll do what I do best and put it out of my mind, continue to be optimistic and see only the best and eventually, like time always does, I will forget. But maybe I shouldn't win friend of the year. Or month, or even week. Because honestly, I feel shitty with myself.

Perfect aim!

Week one- under my belt

First week was a bit long and stressful. But things have a way of working out. I've been spending majority of my time hanging with the gang and my family.

One day in the office. Nice. ;-) zoos and ball games. Drinking and swimming. I'm a bit tired. I'm getting old! ;-)

Check out Facebook for more pics of my trip!
Xoxoxox

Next week, work and more visiting. Hopefully the last leg of this visit goes just as smooth!

It's Friday Night, make sure you know where your kids are.....

And what am I doing?  I'm sitting in my parents living room on their floor, comfy in front of the air conditioner.  My dad is asleep on the chair, yes, it is only 8 pm, and my mom is watching her TV shows. 

My best friend is pissed at me because I told her I wasn't up to going to New York City this weekend with her.  Sara called and spoke to me for an hour about why we weren't going to DC.  Sooooo-I'm here, bored as fuck.

BUT I had a good few days with my nephew.  I have taught him a few really awesome new words. 

Three days ago, he learnt the word brat.  And what a brat he is.  He is so spoiled.  He hits and bites and cries and just makes a big scene whenever he wants something.  Good grief!  But when he's being good, he is oh so good.  Check my video out on facebook....the kid is freaking adorable!

I figure since I have such a limited time with him, I need to make my impression.

Two days ago, we were at a restaurant and eating, my mom, sister, and I were casually talking and Carter was playing away with his food.  Chat, chat, chat, we were not really paying much attention.  FUCK.  We stopped talking, looked at one another and then all looked at Carter.  I bust out laughing and said, did he just say fuck??  My sister, looking pissed, said, yes he did.  She was less than thrilled. 

I'd like to point out that my sister used to swear like a sailor. And those many many many years that I didn't swear (since I just started two years ago) she was so much worse than me.  She was not happy that he had said fuck.

Needless to say, this got him giggling because I was laughing so hard.  (On top of our food fight, my mom and sister were even less thrilled with me.) 

The next day, my mom and I took him out and I took the liberty of expanding his vocabulary one more time with the word bitch.  H.I.L.A.R.I.O.U.S.  He is so intelligent.

Today as I spent the day with Carter, Lori and RJ, he brought up the word Brat again.  Oh he can giggle. Ba-Ba-Brat.  He sang.  And giggled. 

As my siblings were growing up, I took the liberty of being the person my siblings could come to when they wanted to do something bad.  What I figured was if I did it with them, I could keep them safe.  My mother is so controlling and strict, that it made life a bit difficult.  So if you went to her with something you were in trouble with, she couldn't hold herself together enough to make it okay for a moment.   She was quick to anger and even quicker to punish.   By helping my brother and sister do their bad deeds, I was able to help see that they were safe and at the same time, cover for them so they could have a good time.  I will continue to be my nephews and future nieces safe harbour.

I let my sister drive on the road at 15, bought my brothers first porn, let my sister sneak out of the house and cover for her to go to parties, let my brother drink beer at my house....the broken rules go on and on.

I'm an awesome aunt!  Hopefully, someday, I can be that awesome and objective if I ever have kids.

Now, in the meantime, I need to figure out what I'm going to do the rest of this night!

xoxoxo

Ahhh! Life is Grand!

I have been back here for a full week.  One whole slow long week.  It's been emotional and draining as always. 

It is shocking to me how much I've changed.  How things I used to think were so important, I can barely stand to think about.  How things that were so normal to me seem so foreign now.  Its amazing to me how I have such little need for the things I used to think made my life tick. 

I'm so completely different and I knew that, but didn't realize to what extent.  Now that I see it, I wouldn't change any moment of my life for anything. 

I'm happy that I followed my gut instinct and left the boys I left.  I'm happy that I pushed my comfort zones and walked away from my my box.  I'm thrilled that that I saw my fear and said, Fuck You!

I thank God that I wasn't happy with being content with what had just passed into my life.  I'm glad that I realized that there was more to life than "it just is." 

Two years to find myself.  Two years to try every path life has to offer.  Two years to see what else there is to this world. 

October 4th, 2010-I walked away from everyones perfect life to my perfect happiness.  I promise to never ever sleep through my life again.  I promise to stay proactive in my happiness and success.

This girl is H.A.P.P.Y.

xoxoxoxo

I know you don't know me (Part 2)

For those of you who have been reading my blogs from the beginning- I'm not sure if you'll remember- but last year about this time, I came to my grandparents grave in tears.

Lost and broken, I said I know you don't know me, but neither do I.

I stayed at their grave for an hour or so crying. Mom asked me what I wanted to do today and I asked her to stop here.

I wanted to thank them for watching over me and being there when I had no one else to just let me cry.

Ugh. I'm not a crier. But these last two years, I've shed enough tears to fill the oceans. Hence, turning me into a crier. I hate it. Sometimes; I'm crying for no reason that I'm aware of. Frustrating.

Today, no crying. Today, a different girl. Still growing, still learning.

The girls veto a tandem bike ride.

Tasha Ace
Sent from my iPad

"The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism."

~Norman Vincent Peale

Pieces from my old blog;

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master...” ― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love “Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.” ― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones “You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there.” ― Bob Marley So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday.” ― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

Pay attention.

Testing my iPad app

I can't post pictures from my iPad. So, I have this app and I'm testing it.... Looks like it may work.

Good.

Makes this girl happy.

Xoxo

May I have this again soon?

I'm laying here on a hot night, a cool breeze comes through the window. I can hear the sounds of the cars outside, the neighbors television blaring and the far away screams of a baby.

I'm thinking of you. You walking toward me from across the room. Your eyes say it all. You come closer and I can clearly see what you want from me. My breathing slows down, making my chest move up.....down......up......down.

You crawl on to the bed, hand on my ankle, sliding up my leg, over my knee, between my thighs. You keep eye contact with me as I arch my back. My body tingling with want and need.

You kiss my lips softly, moving your hand up my lacie thong. I'm thrilled I only shop Victoria's secret. Your other hand moves swiftly, with authority up my shirt. Your kisses become deeper, harder, needy.

I run my fingers through your hair, arching my back. My hard nipples are begging to be free. You unlock my bra, slip both that and my shirt over my head, the cool night air gives me goose bumps.

A moan escapes my lips.

Your eyes never leave mine as you raise my hips to slip the rest of my clothes off.

You kiss my neck, my collar bone, down my chest. You taste my belly, and my thigh.

My hands are all over your thin shoulders. You can sense my needs. You spread my legs apart and wrap your arms around my arched back.

I want this. I want us. You raise my hips so you can enter me. There isn't any turning back. You hear my breathing change and you are like jelly in this moment.

We answer to no one. Have no restrictions. No boundaries.

Slowly you and I become one.

Xoxo

Living is a Problem because Everything Dies (Biffy Clyro)

I'm working on the website for Wild Mountains.  During this I was searching my e-mail for a password and login.  Sadly, came accross some old e-mails from SRW and myself from when I was here in Feb.

Re-reading these are not healthy for me.  Especially right now.  I've a headache and I'm jet lagged.  Yeah, thought I beat it.  I was wrong.  Either way, I'm tired and by tired, I mean exhausted! ;-)

I've re-read the e-mails, rewatched the music videos and YouTube links that he sent me.  Fucking hell.

But in seeing the stuff from SRW, I found this.  And I miss this woman so much.  She is such a huge mentor of mine.  I love her to pieces and I want to spend some time with her while I'm here.  I hope I get the chance.

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "It's what I needed":

Heart beats fast -- Colors and promises -- How to be brave -- How can I love when I'm afraid to fall.....

And all along I believed I would find you --Time has brought your heart to me....I have loved you for a thousand years -- I'll love you for a thousand more....


Tasha -- be brave and your time will come to love and believe that you will find...exactly who...and what....you need.

Thank you for your willingness to share openly with me and trust me to care for what you have built. I worry about you, but then I know you are growing and in that growth you are listening with both Reason and Emotion Minds -- and radically accepting what is presented to you and even what you might not understand.

Be patient...

Be brave...

Be open...and honest with yourself above all else.

I am always here.

MJ

I hope she means it, because I'm needing her.


xoxoxo

― Lisa Kleypas, Blue-Eyed Devil

“I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But I was beginning to believe that a very few times in your life, if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together.”

Beautiful!!

“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.” ― Louise Erdrich, The Painted Drum LP

I am her.

“I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.” ― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

― John Lennon (so very true!)

“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.”

be loved

“I heard what you said. I’m not the silly romantic you think. I don’t want the heavens or the shooting stars. I don’t want gemstones or gold. I have those things already. I want…a steady hand. A kind soul. I want to fall asleep, and wake, knowing my heart is safe. I want to love, and be loved.”

― Rainer Maria Rilke

“Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.”

― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

― Marilyn Monroe

“This life is what you make it. Not matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, somg go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And babve, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up becuase if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.”

Bob Marley~

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”

This is how I feel

Tasha Ace
Sent from my iPad

"The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism."

~Norman Vincent Peale

When I'm here.

No jet lag!

I'm thrilled. Good things since I've landed. First I thought for sure I was going to miss my flight from LA to Pittsburgh. I made it minutes before they closed the doors of the plane. I sat beside 5 year old triplets. We discussed Hello Kitty, Strawberry Shortcake, and Pound Puppies. Do you remember that cartoon?? It was a favorite of mine growing up. Apparently, I can find episodes and games on hub.com. Pretty excited. We played iPad games, colored and literally watched the clock for 45 minutes. The girls taught me how to apply lip gloss (dip twice, bottom lip, dip twice, top lip, roll lips) and about liquid glitter for cheeks (of which, I had the opportunity to have applied). A really late night out last night has brought me to my senses. I hope. The plan is now to head back to OZ til the end of July then head out. I think. That seems reasonable. I have so many plans and friends there, I want to keep them. Then perhaps to Europe. I know this plan should be good for me because I have fallen for a boy. Hard. It scares me. One because the rejection probability is apparently 90%. And two because the probability of rejection is 90%. "A wise girl leaves before she is left." I'm good at running. So I'm told. And it's true. Perhaps it's my own form of self inflicting pain? The need to flee is so strong at the moment that I'm thinking of only staying here in PA for a week. It's draining being here. For so many reasons. I don't have anything to give right now. Still. But not part of good things since I've been here. Another good. I met Rach's boy. We hit it off very well. He was such a sweetie. And funny. And he was very comfortable with my mom and myself. I have my fingers crossed. My nephew. I can't describe how cute he is. I can't begin to explain how much I love him. I love that he recognizes me and comes to me. I love that he is comfortable with me even though I'm never around him. I love that I can make him giggle. His smile is so beautiful. He is so smart. Another good. Watching the NBA draft with my dad. He is such a great guy. Love him. Dearly. Another good. My mom helping me jump my bike. And her cooking. She misses me. I'm still processing this. More on this later. That's it so far. Enough to keep me pacified at the moment. 13 more days. Unless there's less. Xoxo

Thank god

Done. And it feels hella good

TWO

<3 you make this girl smile <3

Tasha Ace
Sent from my iPhone
"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."

The Past Never Hurts until You Look Back

I have to stop doing that.  Stop taking a trip down "memory lane."  It doesn't ever do me any good.  It only brings pain and "what ifs."

Then I start to think and thinking is never ever ever a good thing.  Fuck me.

A distraction is needed.  Desperately. 

I have a wild spirit-its not for everyone.

Hey, I heard you like the wild ones/I wanna shut down the club with you.

I can't change who I am.  I can't stop being thrilled at little things.  I can't stop smiling all the time.  I can't help jumping in feet first into everything.  I can't help losing everything and recruiting everyone to help me find it.  I can't help committing fully to all endeavours.

Its who I am.  I have a wild free spirit that sends me in every direction.  No path goes untraveled in my world.  I try them all.  Every smooth trail.  And all rocky footpaths.  I am no longer apologizing for this.  I'm done being insecure in my confidence.  You love me or you don't.

I love to swear and dance and have sex.

I love meeting new people and falling in love.  I love getting dirty and dressing up.  I am a contradiction to myself.  I will never understand why I don't understand anything.  I will always be able to hear both sides of an argument, therefore not being able to commit to either side.

But I'm a good girl.

I'm strong willed and defiant.  I can hold my own.  I am often wrong. 

BUT!

I am no longer going to seek approval.  I'm impulsive and sincere.  I'm not vindictive and I have never held a grudge.  I forgive and forget.  Its who I am.

I'd like you to join me in this life.  I'd love to have you run beside me and encourage me.  I'll encourage you.  I'll show you new things.  You show me new things.  Its a relationship that doesn't take but has a mutual benefit. 

If I'm not your one, okay.  No worries.  I get what it's like to not be with your one.  I'd never ever ever wish that upon someone.  Never.  So take my hand and run along with me.  Friends is okay with me.  Because I deserve my one and so do you.

I have a wild spirit this lets me love like no others.  A friend or lover, its always for life.  Its who I am.  It makes me happy.  I have enough to share.  So come along!

xoxoxo 

He doesn't say a lot, but he understands everything you say.

My one year old nephew is growing up so big I hear.  I miss the shit out of the kid.  While I can honestly say I can still imagine life without him, I can't honestly say, I'd change it.

My sister tells me he is so smart and active.  She shares stories, pictures and videos.  Does this make me want one of my own?  Hell no.  It does; however, make me want to hold him and kiss him and give him everything he could ever possibly want in life.  Do I never want kids?  I can't say that now.  But I can say, I know I haven't dated my one.

With all the boys I've dated in the last (almost) two years, I discovered during conversation this weekend, I only date them for two months before hightailing it out of there.  That must be my breaking point.  Or maybe, just me realizing that this person isn't my one.

Shoop said date for three months, after that you should know if you should stick around.  The fact that I don't need three months, but only two, makes me believe I've got a firm understanding of what I want in a boy.

My sister told me Carter doesn't say a lot, but understands everything you say.  To that I responded, Typical boy.  Seriously.  They know and understand what a girl is going through, but they sit back and watch her work it out for herself.  Pro and Cons with this, but either way, Carter will do just fine as an adult.

I'll be 29 in a month.  I have spent the last 11 years celebrating with Trista.  When we realized that Nathan wasn't any good at socializing or spending time with me, and Steve her, we decided we'd take matters into our own hands.  Every six months (Jan and July; her b-day and mine) we would have a celebration bash.    This year, I thought I'd be here in OZ for my birthday.  I bought tickets for a concert.  I ended up purchasing two because I didn't want to do this on my own.  Later, with the thought in mind,  of spending it with the boy I thought I wanted to be with on my birthday. 

I have to stop here and just say I have never been big on my own birthday.  I love other peoples and celebrate the shit out of them.  My own though?  Not so much.  Mainly because the person I loved wasn't invested in me.  So this year, I figured to try something different.  I'm kind of regretting this decision.  Therefore, my plan to head home and stay home is in effect.  But you know me, my plans change by the moment.

My Brother's Crack Whore Girlfriend

 Brooyar State Forest, Queensland, Australia was were this little lady has just spent the last four days.

The Killer Python Climbing Club, aka, Amber, Mel, Graeme, Sean, Zonski, and myself set out on Friday for a camping/climbing weekend.  A perfect weekend before I head back to the States.

I did my first successful outdoor climbs on 15 grades.  I made it 1/2 way up a 17, of which Mel led. She did a fantastic job.  And today, I made it about a 1/3 of the way up a 19 grade.  It's so different climbing outside.  I attempted a lead climb, but didn't get very far.  I didn't have much fear in regards to do it until everyone else had a shitty day and that freaked me out.

I have confirmed my confidence/thinking/fear conundrum.  I have confidence in myself until I start thinking.  When I think, I doubt.  Doubting leaves so much room for mistakes and shit.  I need to stop it.

My fingernails are all broken.  My feet are sore, my legs are tight, my fingertips are raw, but I wouldn't have traded in this weekend for anything.  We had a campfire everynight and breakfast every morning.  From trying bacon wrapped strawberries to bacon grease fried pancake mix, we shared laughes and giggles.  Mel's four person tent was the perfect palace for us to hang out in and play cards while it rained.  I may have been a bit tipsy at the end of that night.  HAHA  Shit I'm exhausted.

 Lighting the fire is hard work, but someones got to do it! ;-)


 Taking a break from climbing....its tough work!

 I made it 1/2 way up this climb.  The Enticer, grade 17

 

 Belaying is hard when the person is lead climbing, but honestly, I'm positive I did a perfect job for someone who has never done it before.  Pretty proud of that!

 First night celebrations with killer pythons.

 I only look innocent.

 Beautiful views.

 Breathtaking cliffs

 Our camp site.

 The grade 19 was on this wall.....I think it was called the snake charmer.  not to shabby for my first climbs.

 This is some serious shit! ;-)

 This climb is seriously called my brothers crack whore girlfriend.  of course, we had to climb her.  I loved it.  She was only a grade 14, and easy as.  It was perfect booster for me.

 Mel is such an inspiration.  She was fantastic on the cliffs.

 And my beautiful Amber.  We always have such a fantastic time together.  She's a lot like my Trista. <3

 My first lead climb.....fuck it was scary.

Rule Number 3: make it look cool.  Done.

 This picture looks much better when it's rotated.  Go ahead, move your laptop to make it look right.

A cute shot of me and who ever took this pictures finger..... hahaha

Introducing, the Killer Python Climbing Crew.  A fantastic bunch of people.  With amazing spirit and phenomenal friendships.  I am so blessed to have been brought into their group.  Thank you so very very much for the time you've given me, the skills you've taught me, the laughs we've shared and the friendships we've bonded.  I love you!!


xoxoxo

I can't even tell you how many have told me this