Dream team

First I'd like to say my one post probably made no sense to people. Lol- sorry, that happens. Day two of Esperance I went for a swim and for a hike. It was beautiful. I bought a journal to keep track of my road trip. I plan to give it to my parents. I'm pretty sure they'll enjoy it. I spoke to Greg, he said how's Esperance. I replied there is nothing to do after 5. He said, that's good right? Relax. I had to remind him that I'm not a relaxed person. He said it was a good place to start. Yeah. Anyway. The title of my post. I see all of my gym peeps have posted all their pictures from dream team. And I'm honestly so glad I didn't participate. In August when I was going to the gym regularly and had my meal plan under way, I never have nailed it, I was able to hit lean. The goal of dream team is extra lean. I could have easily hit extra lean. The problem though is at lean, people were telling me I was too skinny. I'd like to note, that at no point did I or will I ever agree. I was almost to a perfect BMI. Either way, if I had participated in dream team, I'm sure I'd have looked awful. I would like to state I think the goal for dream team is to learn how to eat and exercise properly. Not be extra lean. That fact is lost, I'm positive. When I see the people I love binging after dream team, this fact is proven. It saddens me to see these woman I love dearly doing this to themselves. I know how shitty I feel since I don't look like I did in August. I cant imagine getting to lean and then losing that and not feeling even worse. I know they will lose it because it happens every year after dream team. What's even worse, I'm still struggling with my weight. Big time. I haven't kicked this yet. I'm hoping by the end of the week i'll be better. Hmmmm...... I know I climbed pretty hard today, but maybe I should go for a run too. It's pitch black out, but I should be okay. When bored. Exercise. That's been my motto for the last year. Haha Alright. Night! Xoxoxo

Day two

I lay here and look out in my sleeping bag and there's the moon. A year and a half ago a boy promised me if I came to oz, we'd do this. This is the first time I've done this. He's not in the picture. Here's to making your own dreams come true !!!!! Xoxo


I'm back for my closure. I think I got it. As long as I breath, I'll have a long road ahead of me. But now, here, by myself, I'm happy.

Left the Websters and drove to Esperance. I had such a great time. When I got here went straight to the beach. Saw a movie and tomorrow head to cape le grande.

<3 happy.

"The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism."

~Norman Vincent Peale

The castle

Day one of WA was fantastic. I only made it as far as Kondinin. The Websters are here in this home this week. So after getting to their house in South Perth last night, I drove the four hours out here.

I stopped along the way to help a group of five stranded people an hour outside Kondinin.

Robyn said I shouldn't help people especially since I'm traveling alone. One of the stranded tourists said, do you always travel alone? Sadly, yes.

Either way, Robyn and I went for a bike ride with Connie their border collie. she reminds me so much of Erion.

Robyn asked me if I have ever seen the movie the castle. As I hadn't yet, she was determined to "make me a true ozzy since (I've) been here six months."

Hilarious movie that I must purchase ASAP.

Tomorrow church and I head to Esperance.

Can't wait. But it'll be cold and overcast. I love this road tripping by myself. A lot. I sincerely love it.




"The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism."

~Norman Vincent Peale

You've $5 so donate today!

Your public profile link is: https://www.livebelowtheline.com/me/ace

"The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism."

~Norman Vincent Peale

Extremely loud and incredibly close

So in a way your boots
Are heavier then mine

I promise I'll be back to normal soon. I tried so hard.


A great story about pushing comfort zones and getting lost and then finding yourself

I was this boy. And the end of the story is he was was okay. And I am too.


In the end I only had my disappointment and I guess that's better than nothing.
*****************************************
It's been 18 months since I made the decision to leave Nathan.

18 incredibly long/short grueling/easy painful/difficult decisions.

I have been on the longest 16 second ride. I've been a mess for so long I can't remember which way was up.

But today, at 7:27pm, it's been such. Very long time coming. I can honestly say that I'm me. Better than me.

I'm okay with my fears. I'm okay with my comfort zones. I'm okay with not knowing me. Because along the way I've found out I'm capable of anything.

I'm finally ready to be happy again. And to be honest, without even realizing it I've been happy. I just needed to stop pushing it away. Stop being defiant.

I'm healthy. And I'm happy. And I just needed this time to find me. And I'm here. Strong. Beautiful. Confident. And still learning and growing. As long as I continue to have a beginners mind, I always understand I'll never know anyway.


Xoxoxo

Tasha Ace
Sent from my iPhone
"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."

Story of my life

I walked out and thought shit I forget what car I'm driving. Look up and see mine stands out. Ah yes. Of course it does.

This is m. e.

Impractical.

Beware- re-vegetation in progress

There is a plant here that requires a certain amount of heat so the seeds can open up to pollinate. So the government sets the vegetation On fire.

Sometimes to grow you accept the fact that at times you've just got to burn it down.

Don't ask me much more- that's all I've got for you at the moment.

The loose plan

Perth- kondinin- Esperance
Esperance- albany-Margaret river

M river - bunbury-Perth

No so very secluded I hope. I'll keep you posted!

Xoxo

Music is for the soul

I LOVE LOVE LOVE music. I love how it makes me feel. I love how it moves through my body. I love how it can get me in such a good mood. I love how it can drown out sorrows.

I'm just heard Whats my name by Rihanna and it took me back to November 2010 in DC with Trista. Meeting Pete, Bruce and Rick. Terrence taking us to all the vegan restaurants. And My first outing as a single girl.

Right now I'm listening to Pretty Girl Rock. Takes me back to about same period. I was separated from Nathan and totally 1000% enjoying single life. Learning to push comfort zones. Finding out what I like, love. I was cleaning the house and this song came on and I stopped sweeping and starting jumping up and down on the bed singing on top of my lungs and dancing.

To my surprise Nathan came into the bedroom. I had forgotten that he had a key still and wasn't expecting him. We had such good time. I was in my bra and boy shorts. (I still run around that way when I can) but it wasn't awkward. It was just us. The way it used to be, fun. Not stressful. Us. Those are the memories I choose to remember. He's a good guy. Beautiful.

Fuck. I love music!!! I can't help it. Makes me want to jam in the airport. Wait. I am jamming in the airport. Back to my music!

Xoxoxo

I know I'm on the right path.

Validation of my wandering!

First I'd like to just give a kind fuck you (and i honestly don't intend that to be mean in anyway, because at the end of the day, I know you love me and I still love you) to all those who doubted me. Who said I was crazy for the feeling of being lost. Who said I was immature for trying to find myself. Who tried diagnosing me (wait- that was only me, well fuck me too since i doubted myself) Who Said the expense of me looking was ridiculous. (to that I say, what are you spending your money on? Car payments? House payments? Schooling? Credit cards? Or you simply dont know? Well I'm in no debt. So my money is mine to spend however I'd like. No credit cards, no house payments, no schooling, no dependents)

Mindfulness for Beginners. By- Jon Kabat-Zinn

Page 67- "You are More than Any Narrative

Who you are is far bigger than the narrative you construct about who you are.

When you begin to question the narrative of yourself and inquire as to who is even doing all of this talking inside your own head, you may come to realize that you have no idea. You simply don't know (previously talking about self doubt and how you perceive your own life unfolding) the realization is in itself an important milestone, one that offers an entirely new and much freer way of being with experience. But early on in this process of awakening to not knowing what you thought you knew, you can still feel fragmented, pulled between competing stories or weighed down by the enormity of the one that is dominating your life at the moment, which is now compounded by the realization that you are not so sure about what you used to be very sure about. This could be a very good sign."


I used to be so confident in my relationship with Nathan. When I realized I didn't want what we had created in the end, I became full of doubt and self questioning. This has spilled over into other relationships and I feel as though I have lost a sense of self. This loss may just as well be the realization my confidence in love was shaken. I'm slowly learning to become one with myself and regain my trust and confidence of myself.

Fact- a lot of those whom I know don't have this. Please don't judge me while I strive to find it. Simply because you can't understand where I come from doesn't make what I'm doing wrong.

To those of you who have accepted me (and continue to be patient and encouraging) a big hug and thank you from the bottom of my heart. You know who you are too.


Xoxoxoxoxo

I love the notebook.... Through and through

"stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do you want?" Noah

Forget the risk and take the fall

If its what you want, then it's worth it all.

Some great advice I will be taking.

Tasha Ace
Sent from my iPhone
"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."

What a fantastic post!

I'm on a boat, a mother fucking boat.....

Wait- wrong song. But I am headed for a plane.

Funny, Jason you would remember that song and subsequently, malissa you'd remember me singing that song during my waxing! Haha- oh memories are so good.

Sitting here at Three Monkeys waiting for SRW to pick me up for the airport. I'm insanely excited to be heading back to WA. I wonder since I've been here so long if the nuance of the ocean has rubbed off.

I hope not. I'll be driving from Perth south to esperence on Friday. Stopping in kondinin to say hey to Websters parents. It's been a few months since I've seen Robyn and nan and a year since I've seen Peter.

Fuck I'm excited. A lavish expense. Oh wait, a whole 300$ round trip flight. Either way, so worth it. Since I know so many people I won't have much money in accommodation. This is good. A relatively inexpensive trip. Saving money is always good.

I've been dared to stay off Facebook, fat chance. But I may have almost no reception - so communication will be difficult.

Email is the best.

The goal of the trip- mindfulness. Learning to relax and not rush life. Can I do that in 2 weeks?? I sure hope so!

Well pizza and my ride will be here soon.

As HHBL always says, I'm out.


Xoxoxox



Tasha Ace
Sent from my iPhone
"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."

Give way

Mindfulness......

MJ does mindfulness in therapy.  We have always discussed how it is an important therapy technique.  When I was home dealing with the divorce, I focused on Radical Acceptance.  Seeing as we specialize in DBT and that the entire practice was established based on Buddhist principles (although no religious affiliation), it makes sense to understand what the techniques are and apply them to life as necessary.

Michele and I would speak about how she uses the techniques in her life, Yeager agreed.  I'm sure by nature Bob already utilizes this techniques.

I purchased some books on mindfulness and decided yesterday I would for sure reapply some of these techniques to my life.

One of the first things the book says is that we don't miss people as much as the activities we do with people.  I'd like to state an obvious fact here; sex is WAY more enjoyable with a partner.  SOOOO - I'll move on and say that yes, this is probably very true.

I decided today that I would attend the Ipswich showing no matter what.  Regardless of my huge fear of getting lost and being late for Mel and Amber.

All I can scream is I'm sooooooooooooooooo glad that I didn't let my fear define me here.   It was AH MA ZING!  I loved every second I spent looking at each and every sculpture.  LOVED it.

I will agree that I almost never regret doing things.  A couple of things in regards to sex, yes.  However, for the most part, I enjoy every minute of pushing my comfort zones.  I love love love it. 

I love when I get back to doing what I enjoy doing.  I enjoy pushing my comfort zones.  I enjoy saying "Fuck you" to my fears. 

With every fear I face head on, I push it back farther and farther to someday, I hope that I no longer fear things.

The best thing about the exhibit.  This was so impressive.  He took the bike apart and made it look like it exploded with the rider and all.  Pulling the bike apart you can see every detail on how the bike works.  HAHAHAHA-I'm so giggly.

Next I scrambled back to do the Whodunit exhibit.  If you'll remember from my earlier posts, I have been wanting to do this since I first came to Brisbane, two months ago.

It was even more fun then I could have anticipated.  I must say, Detective Awesomeness made it that much more fun!  Mel invited along some friends, which I was happy about because I was going to invite Josh, but didn't because I didn't want to be rude, now that I know its acceptable, I won't feel bad inviting people next time.  The group of us ended up not making it to meet up with Amber and her kids.  But we still had a fantastic time.

I learned that I can run 10 meters, in tight jeans and no warming up in 2.6 seconds.....I'm sure if I could have warmed up, it could have been better.  Either way, today was such a success!

I finished up by meeting with Josh and skateboarding.  I made myself dinner and packed my stuff.

Tomorrow, work, then off to the airport.  Excited about being mindful and enjoying the time by myself?  You betcha.


xoxoxoxo

This can't possibly be true.

West End it is.

Montague Street, West End QLD- a beautiful city view of Brisbane in the distance.

ok peeps- as of today I have a place to call home: you may send me mail: (and I expect the mailbox to explode with things....after all, I've been mailing you a ton of things these last few months-my christmas gifts will be better late than never)

Tasha Ace
13 Scott Street
West End QLD 4101
Australia

Mindfulness for Beginners:

Mindfulness is awareness, cultivated by paying attention in a sustained and particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally.

The very intention to practice with consistency and gentleness-whether you feel like it or not on any given day-is a powerful and healing discipline.  It is difficult for mindfulness to take root and go beyond being a mere concept or script, no matter how attractive it might be to you philosophically.

Much ado about what might seem like almost nothing turns out to be just about everything.

In a very real sense, you are embarking on what I hope will be ongoing adventure of inquiry and discovery about the nature of your mind and heart and how you might live with greater presence, openheartedness and authenticity-not merely for yourself, but for your interconnected embeddedness with those you love, with all beings, and with the world itself.

Mindfulness is often described as the heart of Buddhist meditation.  nevertheless, cultivating mindfulness is not a Buddhist activity.



The next two weeks: me, beaches, three books on mindfulness, words echoing in my head from MJ, and 1000 Great Places to Explore in Australia.

Soul-here I come.


xoxoxox

I'm in a bind......

I had planned to see the revhead exhibit in ipswitch on monday.  But i sent greg a text and he said we could go on Wednesday.  literally a few hours later Amber said she could do the whodunit exhibit at 2.  So i text greg to tell him that we needed to do it in the am.  He said it was fine. 

later he tells me he can't make it.  so I've wanted to see this revhead exhibit for just about as long as i've wanted to see the whodunit exhibit.  the revehead exhibit is over before I come back from esperence.  whodunnit isn't. 

i'm so disappointed at the idea of missing revhead.  but without knowing exactly how to get there, i worry that i'll get lost and wont make it back in time for whodunit.  i guess im going to try.  cross my fingers that i don't get lost.  plus, i just found out today that its like an hour from the city.  so i'll be pushing it.

on a side note, i got the apartment on scots street.  i'm so thrilled.  i can move in on Thursday.  So i may miss climbing so i can get my stuff moved in before i leave for the airport.  i need a bed.  i guess a trip to ikea is in the making. 

tomorrow is ANZAC day.  So i'll be attending the memorial services, just like i did last year, in memory of my grandfathers who served in our wars.  I have so much respect for soldiers and what they sacrifice for their countries. 

So thank you for all of you who serve or who have served.  You are in my thoughts.


xoxoxox

The week before I head back....

Its actually going to be a pretty busy week, last minute plans are always the best....I think.

So tomorrow I work for the optometrist from 9 to 1.  Then I get waxed at 2.  I'm meeting with friends to skateboard later that afternoon.  Then yoga that evening.

Wednesday, I'm headed to RevHead in Ipswitch, SRW was to go with me, but bailed.  So I'll be going myself....then to the Whodunnit exhibit with Amber, her two, Dom and Savvy, and Mel.  These two things I've been waiting FOREVER to do and with two girls I love!  I'm pretty psyched about these. 

Thursday I work again for the optometrist and I'm thinking I have something else, but I can't remember at the moment......but either way, I fly out of Brisbane at midnight.

I will be in Perth on Friday.  I'll head to Esperence.  (see my trip by clicking the link)

I'm eager to be there alone to be honest.  It will be my second wedding anniversary that I'll be here in Australia.  Last year was really difficult for me.  It took me by surprise.  I guess, this year, I don't want to feel like I'm alone with all the people I know here in this city.  So I'm choosing to go away and be alone.

It also gives me a chance to cross a few things off my bucket list.  A road trip by myself, never there, but has recently been added, sleeping under the stars, and I'm sure there is a Monday Dare in there I can complete.

Its a place and chance for me to forgive myself.  Meditate.  Put aside my past mistakes and move forward.  I refuse to keep this pace of feeling like I've failed.

 I have a goal, I'll meet it.  I've got this ;-P

  End of story. 

Here is a perfect example

Even in the most simpelist of form, I have retrained my mind to think of the things I should do.

I'd like to know where this mentality comes from.  Why have do I think this way?  Why aren't we raised to make ourselves happy?  Instead we rush to please our parents, family, teachers, friends, lovers, children, grandchildren.

I woke up this morning craving corn flakes.  I never used to eat these in the States, since coming here though, I feel as though I eat them all the time.  Although realistically, I don't, rambling, back to my point.

So I walked to the store, went in and stopped at the cereal section.  Tons of cereal to choose from.  TWICE I had a box of corn flakes in my hand.  TWICE, I put the box down thinking eh, if I'm going to eat, I should eat healthy, something I truly enjoy.  So many empty calories.  Instead, I picked up a heart healthy box (3.00 more) and decided I was going to like this cereal I have never tried before.

I get back to the Minto and think, oh I should pour myself a bowl of my corn flakes....excited I ran up the stairs, into the kitchen, got a bowl, spoon, started to pull the stuff out of my box and disappointment washed over me as I realized I didn't get my corn flakes.

I didn't even realize while standing in the store that I was making a choice that would in the end prove to make me so unhappy. 

Time and time again, we do things we feel we should do based on what society has taught us.  This is a hard bond to break.  Without constant failures and even more constant reminders, we will never, I will never, change this mindset that I should do what I s.h.o.u.l.d. do.

Until my mindset changes, then, nothing, I fear, will change for me.

At the same time, I really feel the need to stop attempting to change who I am. 

Im an impulsive, spur of the moment, off the cuff kind of person.  I remember one time talking to Brett, one of our first conversations, he was asking me what I was doing.  At the time, I was driving on I-79.  He invited me over and I said okay.  He said, wow, you really do make last minute plans. 

Same thing with Femi, he and I were talking and I was headed one place, got a text and in mid conversation with him, decided to go somewhere else. 

I guess whats most important is I stop reading those motivational slogans.  Its really funny because they drive Greg crazy.  But to some extent (I'm putting it here in black and white SRW) that Greg is right (thus making me wrong), that at some point there is just an overflow of superfluous words.  When you die, he said, God is going to have a board with all the words you ever said.  One side is titled, words that never needed to be said and it'll go on for miles.  The other side is words that were  important.  The list, sadly will only be a few words.

So I'VE DELETED ALL THE MOTIVATIONAL shit off facebook.  I know who I am.  I need to stop second guessing myself and appreciate and embrace my flaws.

I love girly things, and I love the outdoors.  I love meeting new people, yet I love being by myself.  I love new experiences.  I love watching sunsets and sunrises.  I love laying out under the stars.  I know some day, I'll have a family.  I know in the meantime, I'm going to actively remember moments that are in the here and now.  I'm GOING TO STOP TRYING TO PLEASE SOCIETY.  *of whom, is never pleased anyway.

Mostly, I'm going to know who I'm not, because that's just as important as who I am.


xoxox

Zero

"I hated that zero. The zero is the worst part of the scale because the zero holds all the hope and excitement for what could be.  It tells you that you can be anything you want if you work hard, that you make your own destiny.  It tells you that every day is a new beginning.  But that hadn't been true for me until recently.  Because no matter what I did, no matter how much weight I lost, I always seemed to end up in the same place; standing at the scale looking down past my naked protruding belly and round thighs...."

"My stomach was protruding very badly.  It looked distended, almost.  I hated that I had no control over my thoughts.  But i especially hated that my stomach looked bloated and yet the rest of my body felt thinner.  What was the point of dieting like I've been doing, if on the most important day, my stomach was sticking out like a sore thumb?"

"A derisive laugh escaped my throat as I realised that I was the spokesperson for the new shampoo but didn't use the shampoo I'm selling because subconciously I didn't believe the famous L'Oreal slogan, "because I'm worth it.

Because I'm not worth it."


"It was liberating to live in a space yet it didn't announce my personality. I could be anything I liked.  I didn't have to live with my previous conculsions of who I was reflected all around me in a blank canvas."

"Now I wrote "you are nothing" on every page of my diary. I don't know why, but that statement filled me with fear and then the desire to be something. I always used the thoughts of being nothing and going nowhere to help me achieve goals."

~Unbearable Lightness

This song is on my iPhone, maybe to punish myself everytime I hear it?

You say, 'I love you boy.'
But I know you lie.
I trust you all the same
I don't know why

Cause when my back is turned
My bruises shine
Our broken fairytale
So hard to hide

I still believe
It's you and me 'til the end of time

When we collide we come together
If we don't we'll always be apart
I'll take a bruise, I know you're worth it
When you hit me, hit me hard

Sittting in a wishing hole
Hoping it stays dry
Feet cast in solid stone
I've got Gilligan's eyes

I still believe
It's you and me 'til the end of time.

When we collide we come together
If we don't we'll always be apart
I'll take a bruise, I know you're worth it.
When you hit me, hit me hard.

Cause you said love
Was letting us go against what
Our future is for
Many of horror
Our future is for
Many of horror

I still believe,
It's you and me 'til the end of time

When we collide we come together
If we don't we'll always be apart
I'll take a bruise, I know you're worth it
When you hit me, hit me hard.

Read more: http://artists.letssingit.com/biffy-clyro-lyrics-many-of-horror-b9j67p7#ixzz1skLlVrfk
LetsSingIt - Your favorite Music Community

This is me. A Beautiful Mess

You've got the best of both worlds
You're the kind of girl who can take down a man,
And lift him back up againYou are strong but you're needy,
Humble but you're greedy
Based on your body language,
And shoddy cursive I've been reading
Your style is quite selective,
but your mind is rather recklessWell I guess it just suggests
that this is just what happiness is

Hey, what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses
Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives
And don't mind my nerves you can call it fiction
'Cause I like being submerged in your contradictions dear
'Cause here we are, here we are

Although you were biased I love your advice
Your comebacks they're quick
And probably have to do with your insecurities
There's no shame in being crazy,
Depending on how you take these
Words they're paraphrasing this relationship we're staging

And it's a beautiful mess, yes it is
It's like, we're picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
Kind of turn themselves into blades
And kind and courteous is a life I've heard
But it's nice to say that we played in the dirt
Cause here, here we are, Here we are
Here we are x7

We're still here

And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like taking a guess when the only answer is yes

And through timeless words and priceless pictures
We'll fly like birds not of this earth
And tides they turn and hearts disfigure
But that's no concern when we're wounded together
And we tore our dresses and stained our shirts
But it's nice today, oh the wait was so worth it
Read more: http://artists.letssingit.com/jason-mraz-lyrics-beautiful-mess-hfrs4wq#ixzz1skFsq5cC
LetsSingIt - Your favorite Music Community

Monday Dares, Part Two.

Okay, so here's the deal...I bought

Swim Naked, Defy Gravity& 99 other essential things to accomplish before turning 30 by Colleen Rush

when I was 21. A recent birthday of a very good friend made me realize I'm going to be 30 way too soon....So I'd better get this checklist completed. Every Monday, I'm going to try to work on crossing something else off my list.


Still left to do:
1. Break all my parents arbitrary rules
2.Grow Something: My clinician bought me a bulb for CHristmas, I'll keep you posted on how successful I am at this!
3. Dump Toxic Friends: to be honest though, I'm not sure I have any....
4. Speak a Foreign language
5. Draw and Frame a self-portrait
6. Stop chronic over-apologizing
8. Develop a Plan B
9. Know your friends' family tree
10. Embrace your inner eight-year-old (disney land anyone??)
11. Read Woman's Bodies, Women's Wisdom by Christane Northrup, MD
12. Build a Raging campfire
13. Make the first move
14. Be your own muse
15. Master a signature family recipe
17. Negotiate for something expensive
19. Claim your granny panties....(I may skip this one...where do you even buy these?)
20. Make brownies from scratch
21. Exorcise the words "like" and "you know" from your vocabulary
22. Find your religion
24. perfect your am stretch
25. declare your birthday a national holiday
26. Stock an emergency disaster kit
28. Take your hobby more seriously than your job
31. hook up something high tech by yourself
32. lose your virginity again
33. know your blood type
34. Confront someone who's done you wrong
35. write a body manifesto
36. have a mantra
37. research your family's medical history
40. Make more money then you spend
41. Be a nudist for a day....
42. Adopt an awkward teenager
43. dress for longevity
46. use a great dermo
47. get over yourself
48. sleep in a hammock...I know right? I can't wait to do this!!
49. Own a tool box with all the basics
50.Memorize your favorite smells and surround yourself with them
51. Fall in love (or lust) without blowing off your friends
52. Dub the greatest hits from your childhood
53. Care about where your food comes from
54.Fly first class
55. Cultivate your own style
56. Forgive your parents
57. be a dork
60. Adopt another motherland
61. Make a killer cocktail
62. Tie a few knots (learn to make knots-not getting married!)
63. Have your fortune told
64. give yourself flowers
65. Stop looking for a soul mate
66. give props to a teacher
68. be notorious for something
69.-bounce back

Who Am I? Such a tough question

I'm struggling to believe I'm worth it.  Work with me here.  Its not really fair that you threw this question at me today as I was and will always be unprepared to answer it.

It's frustrating that both you and HHBL disagree with my definition of myself when I say I fear everything.  I do.  Fear pushes me to do all the things I do.  Failing at relationships is all I've ever failed at.  I know I shouldn't keep thinking about our conversation from this morning, but I can't help it. 

I know who I am by myself.  I don't know who I am when I add the component of another person.  This doesn't just mean guys, its girl friends too.  I don't know.  And I don't know why I don't know.  I've never had to make new friends.  I've had the same friends my whole life.

I'm flattered though by our conversation.  And maybe I take things for granted.  I know my life isn't a huge struggle.  Not compared to others and I am grateful for that.  I do take the time to realize this and be grateful.  Heres the thing, when I focus on the future, I get panicked.  I look and think Fuck me.  I don't feel like I have anything to show for 30 years of life.  30.  I'm going to be 30 in one year.  I remember when my mom turned 30.  Life passes by so quickly. 

Thinking is what is the worst for me.  Like now, why am I writing this?  I should be reading, looking for apartments, or napping.  But I want to reprocess our conversation. 

I'll stop now, because I don't want to live a life where I analyze everything.  I just want to enjoy the moment.  The times when we're smiling and enjoying our conversation.  I get lost in my goal setting. I need to keep reminding myself to live in the here and now.  See what is being offered right now.  Take all the time it's offering and be happy with it. 

This is actually the newest most important thing on my bucket list.  WHICH BTW-I'm adding my Monday Dares here on this site....I've only got a YEAR to complete my list!!!

xoxoxo

If you want more love, why don't you say so?

Here is what I need to do.

• I need to be more patient.
• I need to understand life.
• I need to learn to think without thinking too much.
• I need to stick to decisions.

That's what I really need to do. Stick to decisions. Today the optometrist called me asking if I wanted to do some casual work. I said yes.

Greg keeps telling me thinking got us where we are now. Where is now? Who knows.

Beyond Zero Emissions is so messed up, I'm about to give up on anything with them.

Pledge myself to Wild Mountains, give them my all.

Sometimes I feel like I have so much to offer and it just gets lost. Other times I struggle to understand where I have potential. I have some serious body issue problems. Its been fucking with me.

I'm heading out tonight. Nisa offered to join me, but I don't think I'll head out with her. I think I'll go by myself. I would love to lose myself in a night club full of hip hop and strangers.

I need to do that every once in a while. Lose myself. Next week I'll be doing that on a beach. I can't wait. It's exactly what I need too. A week to just absorb nothingness. Just be. Live. Get lost in the sun and the ocean. I'm so excited. I can't even think about it without smiling.

AHHHHH! I. J.U.S.T. N.E.E.D. S.O.M.E. GOOOOOOD. MUSIC!!!!

A con for Brisbane. No clubs. No good clubs.

I can't wait to get dressed up and head out though.....either way, should be fun. Even without any of my heels. Shit. I forgot. I don't have any cute shoes. Oh well.

THANK YOU CASSIE. She just told me of some bars that have hip hop. OMG. I may have my heart fulfilled tonight. PLEASE Jesus. Please.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

EarthKeepers

Earthkeepers is an environmental education program for students ages 9-13.

As most know, I'm not a big kid person. So this camp was going to be a big comfort zone to push. It was a three day program to teach students about how to make conscious decisions about conservation and just general awareness to the Earth.

I read the manual on Monday and it said things like "when the kids get extremely excited" and I just thought, what the hell? What a joke.

The goal is to learn four important goals to earn keys to find out who is the Keeper of the Earth. Ultimately, its each child, but they have to learn how by earning keys. Each key is a different level of awareness.

We had games, earth walks, diary walks, magic spots, and key ceremonies. The kids were so excited. All of them. They all want to believe E.M. is real. They all wanted to find out the next step to discovery. We couldn't tire them out. I can't even begin to express in writing the amount of excitement these kids brought to the program. They were so eager and the amount of innocence they brought to the table was pure and refreshing.

It was a lot of hard work and the reward was almost instantaneous. I can't wait to do more camps with Wild Mountains.

Richard and Susan have put their entire lives into the development of the center. I want nothing more than to help them develop the programs and share their country world with the city kids.

Returning, finally.

It's been a year since I've been to Esperance. This entire year I said I'd be back. I was in WA three times since, but never made it south. So, as my 8 year wedding anniversary approaches, I'm celebrating my cutting ties by giving myself a bit of a gift. One week back in WA.

I'll rent a car (or a camper? I haven't decided if its safe for a girl to travel and camp outside by herself). But I desperately want to camp. It's been on my bucket list since I started it. To sleep outside under the stars by the ocean. I want this. I have wanted this for so long. I thought I would share this experience with someone, but you know what? I can't keep waiting. Ive got dreams to fulfill. So finally checking it off my list.

I'm not nervous. I have a route and a time table, which are both flexible but gives me enough structure to make me feel secure.

I'll post from the road!! I leave the 28th of April. So keep your eyes open for some amazing photos of the deep south of western australia.

Xoxoxox

My cheery has been popped!!

My first koala in the wild!!!! Beautiful!

But I don't....why?

But I don't....why?

Ouch!!

A bite, possibly from a leech, has caused a swelling to my knee. But! The camp here is wicked awesome!! It's late, 11pm, and I need to arise early tomorrow, so my post is short and to the point, volunteering here will be, is such an honor. I cannot wait to get rolling in to bigger things. This may actually develop into something bigger than BZE.

Either way, I'm headed to WA for my anniversary. Then back here for their ISV program. Followed by a short trip back to the states. A few minor things speckled in there, a climbing trip, a volunteer weekend here, and hopefully some other small, but fun things(warrior dash?? Yes, please).

I'll then assess to see if I really want to stay here in OZ or not.

Only time will tell.

Xoxoxo

It's so true

I can't really believe how much I no longer believe in love. I have been here at wild mountains for two days and today we were talking about how long Susan and richard have been married. Almost 29 years and they dated for ten on top of that. Fuck me.

Richard, who doesn't know I'm going through a divorce, said to me, I bet you can't wait to fall in love. I just Paused a moment trying to think if how to respond. No. I said. I don't want love. I don't want to fall for anything.

I'm so much better off without men. I am. I get so wrapped up in trying to be lovable. I need keep reminding myself I'm not worth it.

I need to find a way to love my body. Before I can expect someone else to love my body. I need to learn peace and confidence before someone else can see it.

I know I don't want to be aggressive with any sort of brute force, regardless if it's raw. I need to be strong enough to know that I never need someone.

I need to figure out feelings. Shit. Move on? Stay? How am I feeling this way when I thought I've made up my mind? I'm booking flights to WA for the end of April.

My wedding anniversary is coming up. I want to be in espernce for it. Maybe the beaches will help clear out the cobwebs.

"you know why people are afraid when they stand at the edge? It's not the falling, it's the fact they might jump."

I love the people I know.....

I am proud to know someone like you with the guts to chase ur dreams...I have done that all my life and while I have fucked up a few times am pleased for the most part

thank you Dave! xoxo

Feel your own pulse beating

Eyes closed.

Legs crossed.

Hands together in the form of prayer.

Concentrate on being centered. Hear your breathing. Feel heavy to the ground. Relax your shoulders. Feel your heart beat through your palms. Be aware that you are.

Have you ever just tried to do this? Sit in complete stillness. Hearing nothing but your deep slow breaths and feeling your own heart beat?

I used to lay on Nathan's chest listening to his heart beat. So many health issues in his family, made him fear that he was going to die at a young age. It scared me to think that someday, regardless of the reason, I would lose him. I would lay there in stillness hearing his heart beat in his chest. Listen to his breathing. Feeling his chest rise and fall. I'd close my eyes and cherish the time we had spent together and the promise of the future.

Conversations with God, book 2. The act of wanting things pushes it away. The fact he didn't want our marriage to work until I was ready to walk away saddens me.

I don't want to ever be put in a position again where I want something that doesn't work for me. Or wanting someone who has no desire to be with me.

I take the time now to hear my own heart beat. Realize my own destination. Hear my own breaths. Feel my own chest rise and fall. At the end of the day, no matter how I've come to this point in my life, all my travels, all my interactions, I can honestly say I'm happy with me.

I hear what my body wants. I fulfill my needs as they arise. My own heart beat is the most important part of my life. Every breath I take should allow energy to be put into things I love without a shadow of a doubt. Things that I love. People that are happy to be with me; who encourage growth, whether that be with them or away from them.

I close my eyes and sit in a moment of silence (haha-I'm still practicing patience, a moment is all I can stand at the time being!) and relish the fact that my own heart is beating. A fact that my own breath is passing through me. I've come so far since I made the decision to walk away. Only look back to see how far you've come.

xoxoxox

Shit.

I'm already panicked. Can I take that last post back??? Fuck.

Nothing changes, but everything happens

I am realizing in my travels that really nothing changes over a long period of time. But. Things happen that you miss out on. And even if people 'have no problem' letting you go, it's hard to watch someone walk away.

Even if you know it's not forever or that they have good reasons. People are important. They are. A long time ago I used to say no one is indispensable. Everyone is replaceable. This is so far from the truth it hurts.

Fact is, everyone is so important when you find special people, that you need to make sure they know it. Don't take things for granted. So you can walk away. Why? Why do it? I needed a change. I needed to see things outside my little box.

I have lived my life anchored to people and things. I had lived in fear of the unknown and of God.

I needed to breathe. Regain a sense of who I am, without the needs of other people. What do I love to do? What did I see for my future? How was I going to pave my road to success and happiness.

I needed to learn to love people without having them rely on me. In this process, people who weren't relying on me but was still being loved by me felt alienated by me separating myself from my past life.

It hurt to lose friends because of this. It was a growing pain. Of which, one I needed.

Please know, I'll be back. A flight isn't going to keep me away. I love where I am in life right now. There are so many more people I need to meet and connect. These people are the keys to keeping me on the right track in life. I don't know where I'll end up, but please know you will always be in my heart and mind and I will never leave those I love behind. If you can't join me on my journey, I promise I'll come back.

It's the little things in life that make life 'it'. Carter will always walk. He'll start running then playing sports and so on and so forth. But I missed the excitement of his first steps. I'm going to miss that familiarity he has with everyone else. I will be a stranger to him. For now. All in due time though. That boy will know he is my world too. In this moment, I'm going to appreciate the little things I have.

I'm making a big leap of faith here. Stepping outside my comfort zone. I'm setting down roots here. I'm going to stay right here in Brisbane. I'm making a commitment. And no matter if I'm scared, I am going to push this comfort zone. Fuck. Hold me to this please? Dont let me get so caught up in my fear that I run.

Thank you........


Xoxoxox


Xoxoxo

Goodbye Kate's house.

I move on from my lovely place today.... I love the people in here.

Kate- I'm so glad I met you tash.

I love this girl!! Xoxo

This girl shaped me to me.

I will always live her fiercely.

Live! Travel!

My heart <3

Being tender and open is beautiful. As a woman, I feel continually shhh'ed. Too sensitive. Too mushy. Too wishy washy. Blah blah. Don't let someone steal your tenderness. Don't allow the coldness and fear of others to tarnish your perfectly vulnerable beating heart. Nothing is more powerful than allowing yourself to truly be affected by things. Whether it's a song, a stranger, a mountain, a rain drop, a tea kettle, an article, a sentence, a footstep…feel it all – look around you. All of this is for you. Take it and have gratitude. Give it and feel love.

Wait. I'm volunteering?

Good homemade vegetarian food, new people, friendly faces, dinner under the moonlight, board games, dancing, singing, stimulating conversation, and laughing.

As a first time volunteer here at Wild Mountains, I had no idea what to expect. From the moment of meeting Justin and Richard at the bottom of the mountain to the hugs of goodbye on Sunday, we had the above and so much more.

Even as I write this, we are doing our end chores and singing, "bye bye miss American pie" as a group.

My weekend here showed me how to use what we have to get what we need, how strangers can bond, and how good you can feel by getting your hands dirty in some good old fashion gardening

Can't wait until the next volunteer weekend in May!

Xoxo

Power tools and Tasha = Quite a sight!

Day two of Wild Mountains has me doing some things my dad never let me do!

I must say I love to get my hands dirty.  And getting my hands dirty this weekend is what I did without a doubt.  In fact, its Monday, and I've had three showers in less then 24 hours and I'm still dirty! 

Justin and I set off to finish the bush toilets.  He and his wife are building a house on the land here and they first want a place people have access to the most important feature God gave us, cleaning our bowels.  So last year, they started a bush toilet with the International Student Program.  It only needed a side wall put up and the toilets put in.


This was hard hard work!  But I now have something I can proudly say I participated in building.  I had a fantastic weekend at Wild Mountains and can't wait to work with them in their next camp program, Earthkeepers. 

I know my dad was thrilled when my brother was born, girls are a lot to handle when it comes to construction!

Thankfully it was all fun and games, since no one got hurt!

Except, I maybe once hit my finger with the hammer......

Check out Facebook for the video of me using a grinder....I didn't do so well on this piece!  Hahahaha

Yeah bitches!  We did this! xoxox

So very Me, I am. (Wild Mountains Volunteer Weekend Day 1)

The two hour drive to Wild Mountains is rather boring unless you have a car full of people you just met and are in a train of cars.  With conversations about who you are and what drew you together this weekend, the drive goes pretty fast. 

Driving up the long "driveway" the view are breathtaking.   Mountains all around.  You have pink skies on one side as the sun is setting and a full moon on the other side.

You can barely see the speck of the moon in the sky, but it's there and full.  Breathtaking.  I L.O.V.E. sunsets!

We arrive to the top of the bottom of another steep grade and are greeted by Richard and Justin who are full of hugs, smiles and jokes.  Its a family and all we've done is walk out of the car.

Yep, took this car off roading...hahaha

The next short four wheel drive to the actual camp site, we meet and greet the rest of the volunteers and talk about the things we've discussed with each other over the last two hours.  Introductions are short and laughing is non stop as we ascend to the top.

Dinner is ready and candles cover the outside dining area.  The large tables are positioned into the shape of a triangle so we can all chat.  The moon and stars are so bright it is our only real source of light.  We finish dinner by a campfire and until 9:00 pm, we haven't even begun to discuss what would be in store for us this weekend.

Right now, six volunteers are playing a board game, one is playing guitar, and three are in the kitchen.  Its a comfortable room temperature and I'm sitting in an over sized chair with my legs curled up to my chest. 

I was warned that the pace here is almost a stand still.  I was told I'd be out of my comfort zone with how slow things are completed.  This statement is only partially true.  I loved the laid back pace and was easily able to readjust from my fast pace of "normal" life and move into "mountain" life.

Last night I was almost asleep before we decided as a group that we wouldn't meet at 11:00 am or 4:30 am, but a small group would start cooking breakfast at 7:30 am and the rest would show up around 8:00 am ish.

We all come into the dining area one at a time.  All the volunteers showing up whenever they choose sometime between 7:15 (me) and 8:30.  As people come in they ask if they can assist with the making of breakfast.

Traditional ish Japanese breakfast of rice and miso soup.  It was so good.  Ozified by a fruit salad!

We finish breakfast and turn our attention (quite slowly) to Richard and his clipboard and Justin and his white board.  As Richard tells us what we are doing for the weekend, Justin draws cute pictures.

This board is covered with projects.  Getting them checked off by the end of the weekend is only a minor concern.

We all agree to start on the hardest, most labour intensive projects first and we take another 30 minutes before we think about getting ready to go.  We get there the girls grab work gloves, the boys grab the machetes.  We discuss risks of the day such as leeches, ticks, pythons, and falling down the side of the hill.  There are grunts and swearing and encouraging phrases: "Free it up! Roll it that way!  We'll save the tree and give him a bit of help.  He'll do alright!"  A funny comment I thought was leading one place, ends up in a different: "Save the tobacco plants!  It grows quite fast and it provides lots of shade.  Shade means grass won't grow!" As I walk by to take pictures (another "chore" off the board) I can hear Susan pounding away at stakes, Justin instructing the boys, "see that log over there to your left? You can have a go at that!"  I hear Richard singing in a deep baritone voice a lovely melody that is soothing and relaxing on this hot day.  "Come on buddy!  Work with me!" as another volunteer shouts at the weeds which are difficult to pull.   We work a very short hour before we have a "smoko" break.  Morning tea consists of cakes and fruits, home made juice and avocado.  The area in which we are working had trees planted over the last couple of years and it needed some desperate weeding.  We rest in the hot sun for about a 1/2 hour before we tend to the gardens again for another hour.

Lost in a mess, there is promise of hope as the brown trees have little green buds.

What we uncover while weeding was mind blowing.  In the fields were only grass, which may I add, came to above my head.  I thought for sure there were no trees in this mess.  One pull, tug and push would reveal small trees surrounded by a bag and three pegs.  In no time, there were green bags popping up all over the side of the hill. 

That's me.  You don't know where to start with me.  You can see bits and pieces of good, but the more you look, the more clouded it gets.  Every person I meet pulls weeds away and finds new growth.  Traits that were planted, but not tended to.  I'm a mess in such a huge way.  I know I'm finding my path, its just sometimes, I'm over run with options, decisions, and to much clutter!



Knowing we've only crossed one item off our drawing board, I assume we'll come back and start on more projects. However, lunch is ready and so we all take our good old time to eat.

After lunch, we have a lot of talking, resting, and siestas.

No worries at the pace we are going though.  I am here to rest and use this weekend to separate myself from the thoughts of society and the web of boys I have found myself in.  So relaxation and mindless chatter it is.

I almost forget that it is Easter weekend and I reminisce about how I spent last Easter cooking a traditional American Easter dinner for Webster and his dad while Robyn was in Africa.

The sound of the piano is the background noise for me right now.  Its beautiful the music people are able to create with a few finger strokes.  After we all sit around and relax we move on to several more projects.

I tilled and planted the seeds in this bed.  One of three, I pray the seeds blossom!

A warm shower and some more food before dinner brings us to this next resation period of now.

The sounds of today were beautiful birds chirping, convos about removing weeds and discovering trees, compliments of beautiful smiles and philosophy.

More good souls cross my path.  And everyday I remind myself to be thankful that God has created such wonderful people. 

Sleep will come easily tonight as hard work is promised again tomorrow.

Right after we finished pulling weeds this morning and we were loading the truck, I said, "Oh life is good."  Justin looked surprised and said, "Already?  We don't usually hear people say that until Sunday when they are leaving!"

Haha-it's great to appreciate things before its over.

Ps- So Cat and Will meet me and at the end of the night, Cat discovers how scattered I am as I come to camp with sleeping bag but no pillow, a flashlight with no batteries, a camera that isn't charged, and work boots with no socks.

Cat and Will saying good bye for now to the beautiful Scenic Coast.

Ah-the joys of being me.

xxoxoxoxoxoxo

Fuck! WLD ranch throw back!

Day one here at wild mountains.

It's exactly like WLD ranch, but different. That ranch was probably on so many levels one of the best things to ever happen to me.

I met several awesome people. I met Webster who changed the course of my life. I grew up. I saw my only shooting star. I learned to step outside my comfort zones.

I love the smell of a campfire. I love the stars at night. Driving in we watched the sun set over the mountains. The pink sky with the bright white moon. Full moon.

The sound of crickets. The eerie night time creatures. The a frame camping tents. I remember these from girl scouts and church outings.

Ahhhh!! I'm so excited!! It's so isolated, but I still have Internet connection.

This weekend I'm going to assess what I want to do. They are in desperate need of administration. I'm the perfect person. It just easily falls into place.

I'm a bit outside my element with the conservation stuff and the composting and the vegetarian lifestyle. But isn't that what learning and growing is all about?? Being different yet coming together because of the same drives? Passions? Morals??

Yes, this I'm taking slow. I want this to work. I won't push it. If I falls into place, it falls into place. So far, good feelings all around. Maybe then work this around BZE.

Either way, I want to do both and do both I will

I've also started researching about opening a restaurant in west end. Completely doable.

I'm not jumping to conclusions here, but I'm done thinking. I'm just going into zombie mode (marks terminology there hahaha)

I'll keep you posted!!!

Xoxoxoxox
Tasha Ace
Sent from my iPhone
"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."

What I'd love

I'd love to see what the world sees in me.

I'd love to spend my life doing good things for those in need.

I'd love to live in every moment.

I'd love to be more patient.

I'd love to remember the things I should.

I'd love to see the world the way I used to.

I'd love to see more of the world.

I'd love to make peace with the self doubt I have.

I'd love to be more free spirited, more off the cuff, less inhibited.

I'd love to experience life with the innocence of a woman who isn't jaded by the things she's seen.

I'd love to forget what Disney and Hollywood has described as a perfect love.

I'd love to forget I'm looking for a soul mate.

I'd love to forget what guys have told me. The good and the bad and discover it on my own.

I'd love to find a friend who wants to travel with me. And will. Someone who can afford to do it and does it.

I'd love for him to realize I don't need big romantic gestures and my favorite memory of the two if us is when he agreed to have his future told. Words can't describe how I feel when I think of the moment he let go and said yes.

Xoxoxo

"The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism."

~Norman Vincent Peale

Oh what a surprise!

Kate keeps on keeping on. She is always surprising me. I love love love it.

We cleaned the kitchen today. Hmmmm- what? And why is that a good day you ask? We had the best conversations and we just giggled like two little girls.

The girl has so much free spirit it's so great.

We moved furniture and finished our afternoon with fish and chips.

You ever laugh with someone until your sides hurt? Or just get really silly with someone? To you talk non sense or just play silly games for the fun of it? That's how I spent my afternoon.

I guess what I learned today, is if it's so easy with a girlfriend, it should be that easy with a guy.

Kate and I both want that.

I have my fingers crossed for her. Her boy is hilarious! Xoxoxoxox

Long awaited

I'm sitting here in a cafe finally ready for my meeting with BZE. We're going to discuss the position they are creating for me.

I'm super psyched.

I'll keep you posted. But the anxiety of the excitement and since I'm early and bored, I wanted to share!! Whoot Whoot!!


Xoxoxoxo

Fly! And be beautiful Tasha

Develop patience

Irony? Lol

Borrowed this book, zen and the art of falling in love, the invitation, and too soon old too late smart from Kate.

I'll skip this one and maybe just give it back without reading it.......

It is the nothing which holds the everything. It is the all which holds the parts

A release of writing. Music calms my foolishness I have deemed a soul.

We take paths that we think we need. My path is to no longer believe that love is real.

People are too selfish. I am too selfish. I have a belief that loves comes from what I produce rather then who I am.

I need to reach the point of nothingness. How to get there? I'm not sure.

Answer- I have heard the crying of your heart. I have seen the searching of your soul. I know how deeply you have desired the truth.

I will speak to you if you listen.

The next two weeks I'm going to listen. I'm going to hear what is being said. I'm sitting here with dried tears to be checks. My body physically exhausted from my workout this morning. A motorcycle is passing the house. I miss bikes. I miss getting my nails done. I miss dressing up with trista and heading out.

I miss being the responsible one of the two of us. I hate this limbo i feel. I need to keep focusing on what I've always wanted. Volunteering. Esperance. Traveling. I can't wait for wednesday. After my meeting at 9 I'll know what is expected of me. And what I have to offer.

Xoxoxoxox

That's good because I'm not

Thank you Kate. <3

My blog

I have a tendency to forget who reads these posts to be honest.

When I write, I writeto myself or to someone, but not necessarily with it in mind they will read the post.

I also, like talking, have a bad habit of just blurting out whatever is on my mind. I don't reread the post. The audience is myself. I will read a post after its published, seeing spelling errors, grammar problems, and typos. But not always. Some posts (the ones I post to Facebook) are to pacify people. Others are for me.

All people draw on experiences and the people they know. This public forum is more private than one would think. all woman talk about things, very personal things with other woman. For me, I process by writing. Sometimes I get feedback, sometimes not. But it's the same if I met with the girls for lunch and discussed in a public forum there.

Here you just have my thoughts. My aggressive raw thoughts.

My impulsive immature ramblings.

I love how a compliment was personal, but my thoughts on sex isn't.

I can't keep things intimate? I'd love you to ask how many people know how involved we were. Minus the roommates there are only three others.

The only other things I'd share in my other blog are feelings. I haven't documented anything else. Mainly because I don't need to reread them to remember. I can easily recall feelings of happy and sweet. It's the bad times or the times I feel confused that I have the worst time recalling. Therefore, I must document it. I needto remember to learn from it.

This turns back into a travel blog at the end of this month though. I'm headed back onto the road. WA is where I want to be, I keep recalling this as I read my other blog. I need to head back there. Like the lost boy in the alchemist, even if I get side tracked, I'll find my route all in due time.


Xoxoxo

April fools no more

Today was a beautiful day!! I woke up around 530 ish and started my fun filled exhaustive action packed day.

Today had cooking, long walks, long drives, new friends, family time, climbing friends and old boys all wrapped into one.

We finished our trip to witta with a few more people coming by today. I drove home a young woman of whom I enjoyed conversations with. I saw my good friends place first and second in their first bouldering competiton.

I have managed to piss off one boy of whom I care a great deal about without even knowing exactly how, but allowing myself to be reestablished with another.

For those of you who read (and responded to) my previous blog post in my now non published blog about love vs sex, I have decided fuck love.

I confirm that I don't believe in it. I don't want part of such nonsense. I know it's not real and those who say it is are only lying to themselves. I'm going back to my impulsive self. It was much more successful.

On another note, it was great to talk to my sister, my brother and my gram today. Xoxoxo

Gram loves me to pieces and I love that she simply tells me that.

Goal of this week, keep my mind busy and try not to do anything self destructive. Well, any more than I've already done tonight.


Xoxo

Listen

Happiness is neither ownership or possession. It is a banquet of character and it is meant to be shares by inviting very one else to the feast, and the fest. In other words, true happiness is never born an only child.

I want a partner. I won't apologize for that. I won't change it. I want to experience life with someone. To share
My hopes and goals and travels.

I'm not ready at the moment for a solid relationship. But my time is coming. I can feel it.

Xoxo

Tasha Ace
Sent from my iPhone
"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."

Funny how I woke up to this