Ashes

I want to ignite with the heat of every flame, of every tiny flicker.

I've been described as having raw brute force.  Since that relationship ended, I haven't felt that spark.  That flame that he was afraid of being burned by; has burnt out.  I need that flame back.

Looking at my 11 offices; I'm overwhelmed with what to do with all of the stuff.  I'm emotionally drained from the sheer feeling of sadness as the daughting task of closing comes to me.  With a deadline looming, I haven't anywhere to start and no one to actually rely on for support.  So much to do; so little time.  I need this spark to plow through.  I need this force to actually complete what needs to be done.

I have no motivation, sadly.  Why should I be motivated to close something?  The feeling of debt I have is overwhelming.  I need to figure out how to cope with these feelings and keep moving forward.  I don't feel like I have enough time to be able to process all the feelings I have.  I'm chasing my tail and there isn't anything I can do to make it stop.