You know what I love about my friend Kristin? We clashed like crazy. I was young and insecure and was bull headed and bitchy. I haven't changed that much, except I'm not young anymore. Kristin and I came to an agreement very late in our early relationship that we had just simply misunderstood one other. We sat down, in a very grown up way, and hashed out our differences.
Now, she is my encourager to take what I want and not apologize for it. I'm packing up here and moving forward with my life. I'm excited and scared at the same time. Scared because the practice has left me in a massive amount of debt. A serious shitload. As my friends in Aus would agree, a fuckton.
The amount is staggering and everyday it totals more and more. WHERE the fuck did all this shit come from. I keep asking PIB, if he still loves me as much as when he first realized he loved me. He says yes. However, I'm sure that I'm trying his patience. I am waiting for him to break. Just go apeshit on my ass. Stress him the fuck out so he just snaps and takes a knife to me. Until that day, he's going to love me and I'm going to test that love, every chance I get.
The fact I'm leaving leaving is settling in. My short term goal is to find a job. Long term goal, not let trying to get out of debt kill me. Another long term goal? Learn to save. Maybe the boy will keep the books. That actually sounds like a better plan.
Whats next?? Let me tell you.... in T- 20 days I will be 3.0. Thirty. THIRTY. T-H-I-R-T-Y.
Yikes. I need to stop saying it. Seems wierd enough without seeing it written over and over and over again. I'm going to focus on enjoying what I have. Living for the moment. You know....all that lilly pad stuff I've been trying for the last two years. ALTHOUGH, this time, I get to do it without the bullshit weight of the practice. No petty nonsense about someone wanting to control stupid shit. I am free......weighted down by the inability to afford anything, but I'm free.
And I'm going to do epic shit.
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