The Prophet

I went to the beach today.  It was such a beautiful day.  So amazingly beautiful.  Breath taking. 

Amber's and Crispy's birthday parties were yesterday.  I feel as though I haven't had much time to sit and be still since returning.  I've had more down time now though than since leaving for Melbourne.   Today was the day to find that moment of vitamin D that I've been lacking.  To find the space where the blue of the sky meets the blue of the ocean.  And I wanted to be alone.

This leaping lizard needed to find her lilly pad.  She needed to float out and find that quiet time to feed her soul.  So I packed my bathers, a towel, my iPad, The Prophet and my highlighter and set out.

"Head south on the M1, you'll see signs follow them."  These are the instructions Bill shouted to me from his room as I was leaving.  No worries, I've got this.  10 minutes driving around town, I can't find a gas station, and decide to just start following the signs to the Gold Coast, on the M3.

On my way out I run into a heartbroken soul, I invite her along on an impulse.  She is grateful for the invite, we both know if she had said no, she'd been at home crying all day.  I just can't have that...

Two hours and a different state, I finally find a beach in Tweeds Head.  By now, its 2 pm and the hottest part of the day has passed us by.  A conversation in the car I can relate.  I sent an e-mail saying the same thing she is saying she wants him to know.  My Hindsight is her 20/20.  I ask her if she likes the way he is making her feel right now.  Are you the type of person who would normally wish this much pain onto someone else?   Its a rhetorical question of which we both know.  Me talking to her helps band aid my soul.  I tell her to be patient.  She tells me patience isn't a virtue of hers.  I tell her that I'm described as a whirl wind and its not mine either.  Then read her a note I made in my iPhone just three days earlier, "I wanted too much from him and it could have happened, but I didn't know how to be patient enough to just let it in its own time."  She nods.  She gets it.

As we get to the beach, we spread out our blankets and she heads into the water.  I pull out my book and tell myself to read this for me.  It was given to me with the purpose to learn and grow.  I gave it back tainting it with emotions that come with love.  I was able to bring myself to buy it on Saturday just hoping to have it hidden, but on hand, for when I was strong enough to bring myself to the mindset of learning again.

I packed it with the determination that today would be the day that I would push past this comfort zone.  Today is the day I would open my heart again.  To take another step down my path of self discovery.  Today, I opened The Prophet with new eyes.

So many things have popped out to me.  So many things I have read and pondered and highlighted.  My most cherished of gifts ever.  Its my highlighter.  Its so simple, but goes to show how little things give me so much joy.  My yellow highlighter is my teacher while I read.  Its my "stop and think" marker.

I only made it to page 28 before my brain asked for a rest, but the pages are almost all yellow.  As I hear words of wisdom and my heart and soul respond, I realize that life isn't always about logic and how to make things fit into a proper slot.  Its about following your heart and gut instinct.  Its about not being afraid of what life has to offer. 

The book helps me realize that my leaving "home" isn't a novelty.  People do it all the time knowing they are destined for other things.  "...I cannot withdraw from them without a burden and an ache.  It is not a garment I cast off this day, but a skin that I tear with my own hands.  The sea calls all things unto her calls me, and I must embark.  For to stay, though the hours burn in the night, is to freeze and crystallize and be bound in the mould."

As I walk away from familiarity, knowing without it being said that my friends and family love me;  "and ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."   They feel a longing to have me near.  However, I know that I've a life that needs fulfilling.  And so I take my steps out.  Finding and losing love along the way, my soul becomes stronger and more docile. 

"When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north winds lay waste the garden.

All these things may love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart..."

So yes, I'm learning the strength I possess.  I'm enduring the winding turns of the road that are unexpected.  I'm letting go of things I cannot control, whilst still maintaining a level head.  "To be wounded of your own understanding of love," is an understatement.  I'm bleeding into the depths of my soul, but I'm not growing weaker.  The bleeding seems endless, but I'm staying strong.  I may have loved and lost, but now that I "know the pain of too much tenderness" I stand with my head held high.  I'm ready to "melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night." For someone will hear my hearts desires and fill my cup but "not drink from one cup" alone. 

There is someone out there that I won't shine too bright for.  Someone of whom can be themselves around me without getting burned.  Maybe, I'm a dragon and I need someone who can stand in the flames without crumbling.  (She has quickly becoming my favorite character in the Game of Thrones.)

For now though, I fulfil the longings of my heart by giving those who "drink from the ocean of life" a cup full from my "little stream."  Working with BZE and Wild Mountains I will continue to do until my heart is content.  Learn to be by myself and learn what I love, what makes me tick. 

I've got this.


xoxox


Ps-Best quote from the book to date; "For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable."


The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran