What are my plans when I leave Melbourne?

I don't know. I have so many options. How does a girl decide? Maybe, I'll come back?

I'm sitting in a tiny cafe in some back ally of Melbourne and as J drove me here, I once again relish in the fact that I love Melbourne.

I love the allies and the graffiti.

I love the up scale feeling on one street and the hippie feeling on the next.

In retrospect, I love the mere fact that, like me, Melbourne is a contradiction of itself. It pleases all. The camping/wildlife people and the ocean lovers are both satisfied. The business minded and the not for profits are happy here. The metropolitans and the hippies. You can be completely alone or surrounded by friends.

Ahhhhhh.....it actually is a perfect city. How is it that I haven't been able to recognize this before? Maybe because I haven't given myself this time of solace. Now that I have an opportunity to reflect, I can agree that Melbourne is an amazing city.

AND, if I had a chance to fix things with Nathan or be here, I'd be here. Hands down. I'd be alone, lost in this city that pleases all aspects of who I am. Lost in the city I barely know, with people who don't know my middle name or my date of birth. So let Nathan have his look-a-like me's. And me, no more looking back wondering why or what if. I can't be happier.

I have bright lights, dark allies, a night life, a quite park, adventure and good food.

I have happiness being by myself, alone in the world with a zillion people. I have friends who love me when I'm afar and family who don't judge me.

He is a good guy. Even with all he's done to me. I can just be happy that I don't grieve the same way he does. Who cares that I'm a mess? It's obvious I'm not ready for a relationship. On top of that, who cares that I have no idea what direction I'm headed in, or what I want. It'll happen. Whatever "it" is. It'll happen. In its own time, in its own way, just the way it should.