He is exactly the story I wanted to write

Its amazing to me how body language is often misread by others.  It doesn't help that my body language often betrays me.  I inadvertently respond incorrectly to the emotions I'm feeling.  For example, PIB and I were talking about when we first met and he had no idea that I liked him.  As I barely spoke to him and whenever I would leave, I'd give everyone a hug but him.  There was this time in the car that SRW and I were having a conversation and I was so uncomfortable, but when I said, don't you notice that I'm uncomfortable?  He replied no.  And I was having a conversation with Heather about Crispy's birthday party.  She said I seemed to fit right in and flow with the group with no problems.  When in fact, I was so out of place and wasn't really sure what to do with myself.  Its shocking to me how my brain reacts to things.  The irony of our argument yesterday was after reading the text message; I was so grateful to have found PIB.  To have him in my life and to be loving me.  I was overwhelmed with appreciation for him. 

I'm doing some research for my practice and ran across this blog posting: http://ginastherapyblog.wordpress.com/2013/04/27/kiss-it-goodbye-or-kiss-and-make-up/

Last night on the pier, PIB and I had a conversation; keep trying or walk away.  Sadly we've had this conversation about once a month or more since we've started dating.

Its been a rough seven months for both of us.  We both keep saying, "We can't keep doing this" and yet, nothing changes really.  Or maybe things do and we find new things to pull us apart.  I'm happy to announce though the issues at hand aren't all mine, whereas normally they are.  That's a breakthrough on my end.

http://girlsguideto.com/articles/15-ways-to-stay-married-for-15-years

Aside from the fact that we fight hard, we love hard.  We play hard.  This boy is good for me.  We laugh often.  We talk much.  We keep each other grounded.  We're honest with one another and most importantly, we let the other be who they are.

I was having a conversation with Amber last week about how things have changed in the last year.  Without invading her privacy too much, I'll just say that our conversation was about how much Graeme and herself have fallen in love.  More so then either could have imaged or thought.  And that kind of love makes my heart swell.  I adore the fact that against the odds and their own plans, they have stayed together during separation and time.  It shows that if you love someone enough, you can fight for them.  You can withstand the pain the other inflicts because to you; they are worth it.  TIs a true blue love story.  Our conversation wandered to the other night at the Banf film fest.  I was extremely hyper.  PIB had never seen me this hyper, ever.  And I said to Amber, how sad is that?  He hasn't seen me in my true form.  And she said, we've both settled.  Neither of us are as hyper anymore and maybe its a good sign of contentment and steadiness if you have subdued?  We've found what we were looking for and we don't need balls to the wall to make ourselves happy.  (I'm positive she didn't say balls to the wall; but you get the idea).  We're secure that the person who stands beside us will love us through our dark side and back.

With that thought, I realize when TWO told me that he knew the longer we stayed together the more he would burn from my flame, he didn't know anything about me.  But instead a defense mechanism of myself.  And that I never let my guard down with him.  He had no idea who I was.  And I'm happy that for once, after all this time, I'm able to stand completely bare in front of someone and have no fear of judgment, retribution or disgust.

PIB can read my emotions and my feelings as they are.  And for the most part, he doesn't take them personally.  He is such a great human being.  I'm blessed.  I know this.  He wants to be an active character in my story.


You are exactly what I need.