To give and just be.

Recently I was accused of not really giving.  The argument was that if I were a true volunteer, my time is more precious now that I have a job, a business to run, and a social life to live.  Now is the time that I should be volunteering.  Not when I was "jobless." 

What that person obviously didn't know about me was that I was still volunteering my time with BZE all the way up until the week prior to this discussion. 

And at this point, I'm trying to let go of this conversation, but I can't help but to let it keep nagging me.  In the course of the "discussion" this person said, you do get something out of it.  You get to hang out with people, and laugh and socialize."

Even as I type this I understand how absurd this is.  Because, honestly, if that's what I'm getting in return to spending a shitton of money and time into an organization of which I am receiving nothing else, well them I'm a fucking idiot.  At the end of the day, shouldn't I be doing this at a bar?  Where I would have the added benefit of meeting the opposite sex and getting some alcohol? 

I just had an interview with a place for their practice manager.  I have discovered a couple of things about myself after this interview.

One of their questions happened to be the shitty, where do you see yourself in five years and  how do you achieve that?  I then, in true Tasha fashion, told them that this was a shitty question.  To which I followed up with: I don't have the answer you're looking for here.  I've been there where I could sit there and say, I want to be living in so and so place, married, with children.  But life has taught me that what we expect and what we get are two different thing.  In five years, I want to be content.   To achieve that I need to keep my brain active and healthy.  I need to learn and educate myself.  I need to expand my horizons and laugh and be merry.  I need to not get trapped into a box with a point of view that is solely my own.  I need to keep an open mind and never expect the expected.

I ended the interview feeling as though the one woman of the three people, did not like me at all.  Therefore, I can honestly say, that I gave living here a bit longer, as a paying resident, a good heartfelt, go.  At the end of the day, I can't be in control of everything.

Another thing that came up a lot in my interview is my volunteering experience.  It was the topic of discussion on several occasions, when in fact I could have been talking about my "Professional Accomplishments" I spoke about the ones that I did not receive monetary rewards for.  One of which I did not walk away with awards and best friends.

That's the thing, I guess, if I were looking to just laugh and have a good time, ultimately I could do that working and getting paid for someone.  I don't need to do it in a volunteer setting. 

I volunteer because I am blessed.  Because I want good things for others.  I volunteer because I genuinely believe that we should be using solar power and not coal or gas.  I volunteer because there are animals out there being euthanized when we could be desexing our animals.  (Spay and neutering for us Americans) I volunteer because I want to give back the goodness that I've been given.  To return into the world something that others are missing or haven't been as fortunate to receive.

And you know what?  I don't think I have to explain that to anyone.  I don't think I need to be sitting here or sitting over the last week thinking about that statement and trying to decide if I'm volunteering for selfish reasons.  I give so much back to the world, the community, my friends and family.  I don't need to spend one more second on the thoughts that you've planted into my mind.

I am who I am.  Love me or leave me.  I don't have time to think about what you're spewing.