An offer is only as good as the follow through.

I've had this picture in my drafts for oh so long and I have been waiting for the perfect time to use it. I think this is the moment.   

I'm struggling at the moment with trying to understand what the universe is telling me. I think it's saying its time to leave here. I do love Australia - but the actual act of living here is taking a toll on me. As PIB supports me through this time, it's taking a toll on our relationship. And everyone in the house makes random off the wall comments about me not working. I'm over it. 

It's funny to me that people are only defined by the work they do. It makes sense, but seriously- I'm not choosing to be unemployed. Well- I guess in a sense I have in order to maintain this relationship however, it's sinking faster than I can blink an eye.  What little of the communication we do have is breaking down quickly. Short tempers and misunderstandings have brought us to this moment. 

Love isn't all you need. You need other things because at the end of the day, you can't count on others to make you happy. And that's all love is- happiness. I don't feel loved when we're fighting. Or loved when he's impatient. Or loved when I can't say anything without him jumping off the handle. 

I'm in a shitty mood. I recognize that. But at this moment in time- I'm severely depressed with my lack of options given to me by the DIAC.  I'm unsure of how long I can keep going at this rate. 

PIB has promised to take care of me. With those promises I made the changes to my life to move forward in this relationship.  When he's mad or upset its thrown in my face that I'm not working or that I don't even make him happy. That's stressful for me. Last weekend when we broke up is something I haven't recovered from. I still feel broken. Still feel as though we aren't whole. I can't fix it. I'm not that invested at the moment. I don't want to push through with this visa feeling this way. With that being the case; I need to leave Australia. As soon as I sell my blue car, ill pay off my credit card, take my black car back to the dealership and split. 

No one stays by your side for as long as they promise. It's just not possible.