Hello, I'm not sure if we will ever meet. It seems he tries very hard to keep his past in the past. I've asked about his friends and loved ones from the time before me; but he doesn't want to open up. Last week, I mentioned that we were coming to Sydney so we should meet. He is more than reluctant.
You must know when he told me he was bisexual, it was a shock to my core. While I've always supported same sex relationships, it hadn't directly affected me. I know of his past mainly from what he's told me and I know a little about you, mainly from facebook stalking your profile. I try and make a safe environment for him. Try to let him know that I embrace his past, but he still doesn't let me in.
So I bypass him and go straight to you. Part of myself wonders why its so important to write this to you but another part of me knows. Even though he and I are in a monogamous relationship, I fight with my beliefs that he shouldn't want anyone else. Along with the scared feelings that if he ever decides to head back to NSW that we will be in the vicinity of things he will miss. I told him that if he ever feels the need to have sex with a guy it should be with you and/or your partner.
He has told me of you and your partner and him. This gives me some comfort that he won't leave me for either of you. It also scares me if he ever was to spend time away from me with his friends from Sydney. While I've spoken of my fears, it's different to tell another person of them. I'm scared that he'll drink a lot and want to have sex with guys. Mainly, if he's around someone he's slept with before, then it will be easier for him to be okay with a proposition. He reassures me this isn't the case. But cognitively, I know there are things I can't give him that as a guy he's attracted to can.
So here's what I need, I know its possible to love many people at the same time. My own issues are having sex with more than one person at a time. Seeing as I feel he does need that, I am working on my own to learn to accept this as something he will need in the future. You're his past and I'm his future, but there isn't any reason we can't meet.
I'm asking that you please only sleep with him when you know you have my permission. When maybe we've all talked about it. When I've had a chance to process this in my head and accept it. So it doesn't feel like he's cheating on me. This gives him a chance to have things he yearns for without me feeling like he's stealing something special from us. This also allows me to trust you when he is on a guys weekend away from me. He can then have fun on his guys weekend without me, literally, sick with worry about what specifically this guys weekend might entail.
I don't think he should cut you out of his life just because I'm here and maybe being a girl I don't necessarily understand your friendship. I'm never happy cutting anyone out of my life, not for any other person. While he seems perfectly happy to let your friendship slide away. I can only assume it's friendship that you guys have and not just sex? But then again I don't know.
Either way, I go through moments in time where I am scared shitless that I won't be able to compete with his needs. Or give him what he desires. Thus, I have concluded I would rather him sleep with someone that I'm comfortable.
So here is my olive branch and please work with me through my time of insecurities. I can't wait to meet you.
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