Stop wasting time

I'm not envious per se.  I'm not completely 1000% jealous.  ish.  But heres the thing.  I see friends who have done it right. Life.  Family.  Living. 

Who is to say I've done it wrong?  But this feeling I have tells me that maybe something is not in line. 

Friends, Travel, Dating, College, Job, Travel, Marriage, Travel, House, Kids.  I have one particular person in mind when typing this blog.  One person who stands out as my ideal picture of the way life should be.  She has it all.  And I can't tell you that it has been easy for her.  The kids part was the most difficult.  She was finally blessed with a second baby girl after so many failed attempts.  I think the fact she was raised with money makes her life that much easier. 

I had started off wrong, getting married before college.  Earning money before an education.  That only takes someone so far.  I know I can't complain.  I have a fantastic life.  But as I always do, I look down the road and wonder: where will I be in ten years time?

When I'm 40, will I have a kid?  Another house?  Another husband? Another dog? Another whatever.

I've had my chance at this perfect life.  A walk I chose to deviate from.  A path I burned with a desire to see the flame.  I won't have 50 years with my husband, if I ever marry again.  I won't be young enough to enjoy my kids graduations.  I won't have ten good years to give to someone before we start our family.  Why is this so important to me?  My friends here in Australia are so different than my friends back in the States.  No one here is married.  No one here has kids.  No one even really seems all that concerned to get things like that started. 

Back to my burning question from two years ago.  What is marriage for?  Why do we feel the need to have the white dress and the diamond ring?  I'm a bit worried that PIB doesn't want kids.  I say I don't either, but I know with the right person, I'm going to be easily pursuaded.  I've thought about it with two others (although, one wasn't ready to verbally talk about it with me.) But I've sat down and said, yes, they would make good dads.  I'd want their babies. 

Nathan said he didn't want kids through our whole marriage, but at the end, tells me "I wanted them and you didn't."  So, here I was thinking he didn't want kids either and he did.  They would be adorable as babies too.  Blue eyes and blonde hair.  All four of the neices and nephews were beautiful. 

Ugh-No more of this train of thought today.  Too much of a time waster.