How do I see love?
As giving. As an
unconditional thing. That no matter
what, things are dropped for the ones we love.
I see it as reliable. And
unselfish. I see it as unremarkable to
most, and as everything to few. I see it
as screaming to the world, but loving the fact its only whispered to me. I see it as learning. A maze of understanding. A safety net.
A place to be vulnerable. Somewhere to turn to when the world has let
you down. I need affirmations. And
tangible proof. I see it as educational.
I want to be taught new things. I see it
as a discovery of life, the world, each other, and one’s self. I am a doubting Tom. I need to see it to believe it. Show me.
In actions.
This picture is one that I have used a lot on facebook as a
profile picture. To me, this picture
embodies love. And as I write this I realize
that is probably where I’ve gone wrong in my life. See, I see this picture and I see him looking
at her. She’s happy and oblivious that
his love is so strong. I see this as a
glimpse into what he’s feeling. And at
this moment, a snap shot was taken and has caught him in a raw moment in
time. One that should be preserved for
them alone. But it’s too late. He’s been caught and she doesn’t even know
it. This picture shows a boy who loves a
girl.
What do I want from love?
I want to know its real.
I want to be able to feel it when no ones around. I want to have a shared glance and a knowing
smile. (I’m pretty sure in my private
blog I have exactly what I want from love, I’ll have to take a look through my
old posts) I want something private that
is allowed to be exposed to the world. I
don’t want to feel that kissing me or holding my hand in public isn’t
acceptable. I want what I put in back
out. If I’ve gone 100 miles, I want a
100 miles back. Not because it’s
required, but because they want to.
I have a hard time understanding how my expectations of love
is so unrealistic. I see love EVERYWHERE. I just don’t understand how I can continue
over and over to not feel as though it’s being given to me. I don’t understand. I’m a very out of sight out of mind type of
person. Unless its been engrained in my
being, I forget once its out of sight.
This goes with every aspect of my life.
All last week I spoke about needing to go to the Telstra store. The weekend comes along, I forgot. WHY? Because
I wasn’t worried about it anymore. It
wasn’t something I HAD to remember, because I was in the moment of doing it
sometime that weekend. This is just one
example of the million I could give.
He’s never said to me I’m beautiful. We were talking this weekend and I said, she
is beautiful. Stunning. And he replied to me, you’re beautiful. It knocked me back. I never get compliments or any inclination that
he wants to do things for me. To hear
him say I was beautiful was something I’ll keep close to my heart forever. I never catch looks of appreciation or
glances my way. Is this me just
remembering the bad times? I don’t think
it is.
“cause you send me flowers when there’s no occasion, we talk
for hours you still want to listen, won’t hold it against me if I just need you
to hold me tonight”
How does he show me he loves me?
While I was away he washed my laundry.
He gives me hugs when he sees me.
He buys my fav foods
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