I struggle all the time with my body image. Its never good enough to be just who I am. There was a small period of time that I was happy with my weight. That time is long gone now.
I struggle with wanting to look like her.
Which I know is too skinny. She has no muscle mass and is gangly looking. I know its not healthy. And I love lifting weights and eating. So then I think, I love my muscles. The happiest I've ever been with my body is when I was working out and lifting about 8 times a week. It was fantastic. I'll never be super thin...so the next best thing is this:
Dear Lord, you can't imagine how much time and effort goes into a body like this. Just as much self doubt and anxiety goes into a body like this as it does to my Ms. red bikini girl above. It saddens me that in both these worlds you have woman who lack so much confidence in their image. They push themselves to be viewed as some kind of beautiful being. They are pushing so hard they can't see what they're doing to themselves.
This weekend, I saw the French Film FEU by Christian Louboutin. The movie was fantastic. Nothing like I had ever seen before. The shoes were stunning. But most importantly, the woman were breath taking. They weren't skinny. They had thighs and an ass. They had tiny breasts and thin arms. They had flat bellies, but were thick. The girls weren't 19 or 20. They were woman who had owned their bodies. They get onto the stage and they rock confidence that makes anyone stand in awe.
They were dancers and artists. They were stunning and at the end of it, I sat there thinking, "That's what I'd rather be." I'd rather have a body of which I appreciate then one of which I am at constant war with. I'd rather have a body that has natural curves and soft lines then one of which I keep scrutinizing. One that I can walk into a room and no matter what the number on the skirt is, I will have my head held high and my ass pointed out.
Thank you Crazy Horse dancers for showing me beauty.
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