tu me manques

To start, I'd like to just say how much I enjoy talking to my boy.  I absolutely love love love it.  I love that we don't have these "steps" or "stages" that 'we're not yet' to.  I love that I can say the most off handed remarks without thinking and not have to worry about the consequences of the remarks.

A perfect example.  Last weekend we were sitting on the couch and he had gotten up to make dinner.  He started it and I got to finish it.  Another perk of a perfect boy is we cook together and I love it. So he had started dinner and was about finished when he came over to the couch and gave me a kiss.  The timer went off and he said, "your turn." 

I looked at him and said, "is this how life's going to be when we have a two year old running around?  We take turns?" 

He just froze.  And I said, "what?"

 He just shook his head and I said.  "You know how everyone's been talking about what their kids look like with their partners?  Well, I thought about it and I'm worried." 

He took a breath as to say something, but me being me interrupted quickly, "I'm worried if we have kids they'll be hairy as fuck. And its not so bad if they're boys. But if they're girls, they will kill us." 

And he lets out a laugh, a soft laugh.  A laugh that I will cherish for all of my days.  He scoops me up, his left arm around my legs and his right arm around my back.  He pulls me so close to him so quickly, I can't even think.  He showers me with kisses.  And I know this boy loves me.

He doesn't know how to say it as I want him to say it.  He's not even sure exactly why he loves me.  But its moments like that that I know he absolutely loves me. 

When he holds me in his arms after not seeing me for the week and his grip around me is so tight, I fear I'll suffocate, I know he misses me.

But I do know that if we have kids, they will be massive hairy.  Thanks to my mothers side of the family, my dark thick hair grows everywhere.  A flourshiment of her rich heritage right out of my every pore.

I adore him.  And he me.   And I don't have to worry about being overly excited about things. Or tiring him out.  And even though his personality is very introverted, I don't drain him with my excitement and my whirl wind personality.  I don't frustrate him to the point of sheer anger.  And its a huge weight lifted off my heart.  Its an amazing feeling.  I relish it.  He doesn't fluster me and make me lose my confidence.  When I don't hear from him all day I don't worry that he doesn't like me anymore.  I know that when he has time he'll be back.  My heart still skips a beat when I see his name come up on my phone.  I don't scare him with my intensity.  Oh, how I love that. He'll never tell me that I shine too bright.  Or the longer we stay together the more he'll fear I'll burn him.   He'll never burn because he's made of water.  And I can be two steps in one minute and two steps out the next and he holds his steady pace and he patiently waits for me to run back to him.  Always with open arms and a kiss for my lips.  How could I have never known a love like this was possible? 

Maybe by the time we have kids, permanent hair removal will be common place.  And inexpensive, and effective.   Because Lord knows, if I'm going to birth a brat, one had better be a girl.