Tuesday, 5 March 2013

Peeing, much like love, gets tedious

A fav post from my personal, non published blog.  Thought I'd reshare. <3 p="">
 
 
 


Ugh! I hate taking the time out of my day to pee. For the reasons I am going to share with you here.

First, I'd like to state that I am not asking for my bladder to be removed or that my life requires me no longer pee. I'm only making the fair statement that peeing is time consuming and annoying.

I am working on my meal plan. Not to lose weight, but to just eat healthier in general. I still afford myself the luxuries of the things I love, e.g. all food. However, eating in moderation and differently would be my "meal plan." With this said, when I'm hungry between meals, I'm drinking water. Which means more peeing. The uncomfortableness of sitting at a computer with a full bladder is one thing....but with my bladder; I feel like I'm going to explode and overflow immediately!

I know for a fact that my bladder is not smaller then Trista's because she will pee a million times over when we go out. (This may be due in large part to her ability to drink 95 beers in an hour time frame and me nurse on my one) Either way, she will pee 900 times to my one. Which can also be very annoying when we're on the dance floor, grooving to Jennifer Lopez's "On the Floor" and we can't be because she is squatting....well probably not squatting if she is super drunk, over the toilet in one of Pittsburgh's finest bars.

Regardless, let me get back on track here....as I bring my dog, Erion, to the office peeing is even more annoying because anyone who has a dog knows they simply can't get away from their dogs long enough to pee. So just when Erion is calm and laying lazily under my feet under the desk, my bladder strikes. I must then go to the employee bathroom, all the way in the back and do a mirror dance with Erion. She likes to think she can read my mind. She will move right into the stall to "get out of my way." When she sees me approaching she will maneuver to my left, but to get out of her way, I've moved to my left. Once we are situated and I'm finally squatting over the toilet....unless I've had an awesome leg day any of the four days prior then I have to sit. (Yeager has me squatting upwards of 135 and no foreseeable plans to stop at 135 once I've mastered it) which is great for me, bad for my legs as they will scream in pain for the next 100 years and when they finally stop screaming, we squat again.... the vicious cycle keeps rolling and rolling) I can finally pee. Then I have to wash my hands, for political reasons, not because I'm 100% sold that I have to.

Heading back to my desk I must reign Erion in from stopping by every ones office and licking them. At my desk, I must snap my fingers and sternly say, "Erion" to keep her from bothering the intake coordinator, the intern, or either of my secretaries. And after what feels about an hour, she finally settles down under my desk.

annnnnddddd.....it starts all over again. All day. Every day.

xoxooxo

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