I just don't know

'thinking is hard. Making valid judgements is difficult. It places you at pure creation, because there are so many times you'll have to say, "I don't know. I just don't know." yet, you'll still need to decide. And so you'll have to choose. ' page 154 conversations with god

Do I stay. Do I go.

Talking to Dan last night he said well you said you wanted this and this and this. I said, yeah. He said, well it seems you've got it all.

It is so easy for me to only see black and white in situations. You'd know this from my last blog. People have to show me that things are okay to be mixed up. It's okay to have the same thing a different way. My brain doesn't comprehend unless it's shown.

That is why I have to bounce things off people. My instinct is to see something and go with it. If it doesn't work, okay, turn this way and try again. Doesn't work, turn and try again.

I have been massively impulsive my entire life. It has only been in the last two years where I have tried to change that. But honestly, I'm not seeing where thinking about things is getting me. I'm more stressed and more worried about stupid shit then ever before.

So by being cognizant of my actions, am I being me? It doesn't seem like its working all that well. I hate this worry. I hate this feeling of not knowing. Before it wasnt a big deal because I never thought about it. I never thought more then a moment ahead.

Am I maturing? Or am I trying to please others with this change? Although I can look back and see where impulsivity has not been a good idea.

I guess I will have to keep thinking about this.....as always, you're welcome to post comments or as you normally do,send me a private message via Facebook. I do always enjoy your feed back!


Xoxoxox