I let my fear define me.

Ah dear friends,

Where would you like me to start? I got an unexpected kiss from an unexpected boy. The kiss was soft and gentle. Not like one I've had in a very very very long time. Like, say 12 years? Hahaha.

He was sweet and respectful. Yet, I couldn't bring myself to let go. To fall. To lose control in the moment. Once was enough for me. I have decided I won't sleep with anyone again unless we're dating. Like, he said, yes you're my girlfriend. In those words. Exactly. Whispers it. Screams it. I don't give a fuck. Just makes it very clear in my, what was the the term SRW used? Ah yes. My DS solution. So that he isn't NYC. Whatever the fuck all that means. Although, it amuses me that he deleted those comments. Do you think he realizes how much his comments hurt me? It's possible. Or more likely that he knew we were Facebook friends again and he didn't want me seeing them for the sake of an argument.


Lalallalalala- not to change the subject but *subject change*

Dan and I walked to kangaroo point yesterday to watch the rock climbers. Im jealous. I can't wait until I'm climbing better. Dan says I need to be patient. I'm doing better then most already on the purples. But I get to the top and lose something? Sequencing, strength, agility? I don't know, but I almost can never finish. Sean and I went rock climbing yesterday morning. I wasn't able to beat that purple at all. It'll get easier. I know. Just need practice. I'd go everyday, but you need a partner. Frustrating that so much of your life requires a second person to be whole. No wonder people stay in relationships. Hahaha

Laundry, gym, and movies. That is what is in store for the rest of my day today. Hopefully tomorrow is nicer. I'd like to go explore new farm.

Ohhhh! I almost forgot!!!! jac and Christopher are moving up here!!!!! I cant wait to see them again. I love the shit out of them.

Today on Facebook, trista sent me a post that made me cry. She said every time she hears rhianna's song, farewell she cries thinking of me. So I listened to it from her point of view and cried. Haha- I always thought of the song as HHBL singing it. But from her, it's even more sad.

Fuck. I love my friends and miss them. Spoke to my parents yesterday too. I love my dad, he cracks me up. He must have said I love you Lynn 794 times. I love him so much. I guess they showed carter a picture of me and asked who it was and he said, tata.

I'm living in today, the now. I don't want to say, I cant wait until he is older so he can come visit me. I wish I can see him. Kiss him. Give him a huge hug.

Alright, I'm waiting for a text from SRW to see about meeting up. In the meantime, I'm going to go get my laundry.



Xoxoxo