Zero

"I hated that zero. The zero is the worst part of the scale because the zero holds all the hope and excitement for what could be.  It tells you that you can be anything you want if you work hard, that you make your own destiny.  It tells you that every day is a new beginning.  But that hadn't been true for me until recently.  Because no matter what I did, no matter how much weight I lost, I always seemed to end up in the same place; standing at the scale looking down past my naked protruding belly and round thighs...."

"My stomach was protruding very badly.  It looked distended, almost.  I hated that I had no control over my thoughts.  But i especially hated that my stomach looked bloated and yet the rest of my body felt thinner.  What was the point of dieting like I've been doing, if on the most important day, my stomach was sticking out like a sore thumb?"

"A derisive laugh escaped my throat as I realised that I was the spokesperson for the new shampoo but didn't use the shampoo I'm selling because subconciously I didn't believe the famous L'Oreal slogan, "because I'm worth it.

Because I'm not worth it."


"It was liberating to live in a space yet it didn't announce my personality. I could be anything I liked.  I didn't have to live with my previous conculsions of who I was reflected all around me in a blank canvas."

"Now I wrote "you are nothing" on every page of my diary. I don't know why, but that statement filled me with fear and then the desire to be something. I always used the thoughts of being nothing and going nowhere to help me achieve goals."

~Unbearable Lightness