"Consensual, Ethical, and Responsible Non-Monogamy."

I've been struggling with somethings recently.

If you're a virgin or you can't handle raw information; if you couldn't tell from the headline, you should skip reading this post.

Nathan and I were together for ten years.  It's no secret that he wanted a threesome.  He would talk about it morning - noon - and night.  The jokes started first when he was, I assume, envious of Trista's ability to be so sexually free.   Trista introduced me to realizing that porn was okay for girls to watch, that I should try different positions and that a threesome, while not with her, is a good thing.  She pushes my sexual comfort zones like no one has ever.

Until recently.  PIB and I have been discussing having a more open relationship with one another.  This is really different for me.  For starters, we've only been dating 8 months. Have I bored him already?

The simple answer is absolutely not.  Sexually, this boy has done more than anyone I know. And I know that if at any moment I showed disinterest, he would still love me.  He wouldn't hold it over my head and he would accept me for me. And that for me, excites me.  Its a turn on to have someone push my comfort zones.  Regardless of what they are.  And here I sit, after several conversations, contemplating the realism of a threesome. 

The idea excites me.  Most ideas excite me.  So how does this become a reality?  To start, if you've been following my blog you know that I'm repressed emotionally in regards to sex.  While I've been open to most things, I must get over the emotional factor before I can commit to anything sexually.

So where does one start after life long conversations with your men about getting comfortable with a threesome? 

Google. 

Where else?
If When you google porn, you can find all sorts of different sites that find threesomes acceptable.  With that being said, the first order of business is to actually desensitize yourself to what you're seeing.  For the longest time, I couldn't watch a full 2 minute video without turning it off.  No way could I watch it.  So a piece of beginners advice, take it slow.  Watch R rated movies that show people having sex.  Move to HBO for some nude sex scenes.  You can even find PG- porn. 

I'm at Step 2.  The actual thought of the implementation plan.   After you have watched enough porn that the video actually turns you on, not causes you to turn it off.  Think of yourself and  your partner in the videos you see.  This will help tremendously in implentation.

Step 3 is actually getting someone in the room with you and your partner.  Although, I'm told there are places to go where there is open sex going on.  Perhaps I can go and just watch as another step......

I've been doing some research with the practice.  This includes some networking and belonging to some community groups.  One of the ladies is always posting her blog to the facebook site.  When the topic seems intriguing enough, I click.

The title of this posts was "Top Ten Reasons to See a Relationship Coach"   My reasoning for clicking this link wasn't necessarily because of research for the practice; it had more to do with my relationship with PIB in general.  We had had a disagreement this weekend.  Which left both of us drained, but happily, we've repaired it.  He sent me a link this morning about a man's point of view as to whether or not you're ready to be married.  So I felt comfortable enough reading this article.

#6 struck a cord.  So while I haven't had all the time in the world in thinking about writing this post.  I felt, finally, inspired to talk about something taboo.

I clicked on her links that she had available, clicking on links to click on links.  Finally, I was lead to this website article.   I'm intrigued and want to know more.  My interest is piqued. 

I'm 100% interested in exploring this with my boy.  I need to learn to be able to remove myself a bit more from emotions and sex.  I have an old post from my other blog that speaks about sex and how every time we have it with a different partner how we lose a piece of ourselves and how it becomes less special.   And I believe it.  I do.  I'm caught between my curiosity and my ignorance. 

I don't know how else to take this except slowly.  The last thing I want in this whole world is to ruin our relationship by being emotional.  I want him to walk me into this experience, by holding my hand and encouraging me.  I trust that he will know when I've had enough.  He's already proven himself to be sincere when we're in the bedroom.  I doubt that will change much when we have others in there. 

I'm interested in hearing feedback.  Whether its in the comment section, via facebook, text message, e-mail.  Anything.  Talk to me.

Tell me your thoughts, whatever they may be.  Let me know what you're thinking about this.  I'm open to hearing your opinion.  I want your opinion.