Curiosity Killed the Cat

Urgh.  I'm awful at Facebook stalking.  Why do I do it?  Do you?? I mean seriously, it isn't any good for anyone.  It gets the mind thinking, when of which, it shouldn't be. 

I, of all people, get too sentimental about shit. I  look at pictures and think about that person and wonder how they interacted and so on and so forth.  Which then gets me thinking about when they're alone and when they're with people.  I think about how my relationship would be different to how there's would.  And I wonder if I'm an awful person for disliking someone I don't know. 

I start to wonder whether they made a mistake and if ever in a room again, if their emotions would take over.  I wonder about any residual feelings and how they would react to seeing one another again.

I know I shouldn't be looking.   YOU know I shouldn't be looking.  Why do I look.  I know you look too.  Urgh.  This is life.  This is when you'd rather be doing anything but working. 

THIS IS WHAT PROCRASITATION GIVES YOU.  Thoughts.  Useless, rocking chair anxiety thoughts.  Have you ever heard of that saying?  Worrying is like a rocking chair.  It keeps you moving, but gets you no where.

That's what my mind is doing right now.  FUCK..  And I'm typing about a million miles a minute just to get these racing thoughts out of my head.  I use the term racing because I know its the clinical term. 

Fuck- I need out of this field too.  I am sick of analyzing everything.  Thinking, would I fall under the diagnosis or this diagnosis.  No I don't meet all the criteria for this diagnosis.  I'm SO OVER IT.

I like being back in the office and when I'm there I like the progress I'm making.  What I don't like is coming back to my parents house and having nothing to do.  I need to move back to Meadville if I'm going to stay here.  Get some part of my life back there again.  Going to the gym....hanging out with friends.  Okay, so I don't have any friends in Meadville.  I only really had one that I hung out with and now he's off limits.  More so out of respect than any thing else.  Plus he's engaged now.  Not sure how is new girl will take me coming back into his life.  Not to well since she was the girl after me.

Anyway, not thinking about that because there isn't any reason.  I don't think of him and I'm certainly not interested in starting that friendship again.  Urgh. I keep making this sound worse then it is.  Not sure I'll post this rattle.  Although, you know I haven't posted a blog in so long.  I have my sisters internet which is giving me the freedom to be back in my world again. I love it.

I miss the boy so much.  I miss my life in Brisbane.  I miss what I could have there.  I miss my friends and the rain and West End markets.  I miss climbing and the coffee.  I miss EVERYTHING!!!!

Okay, I guess I've procrastinated long enough.  And I have successfully posted the most useless, rambling blog in the world.  I'm not going to re-read it spell check or anything.

I was once part of this blogger group.  We were to give the group one piece of advice we had learned over our years of blogging.  I only took one guys with me. It was this, your first draft is never ever ever good.  Never post a first draft.

I thought, whoops, all my posts are always drafts.  Yikes.

Don't read this people.  Its  not good. 

Ciao.